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Writing Samples
Band 7

The charts below give information on the location and types of dance classes young people in a town in Australia are currently attending. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below give information on the location and types of dance classes young people in a town in Australia are currently attending. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#information #location #dance #classes #people #town #australia #summarise #features #comparisons
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The pie chart illustrates the location of
dance
Use synonyms
classes
Use synonyms
,
whereas
Linking Words
 the bar graph depicts information about three different types of
dance
Use synonyms
classes
Use synonyms
 (Ballet, Tap and Modern) attended by Australians.
Overall
Linking Words
, Most of the Australian young people are attending their
dance
Use synonyms
classes
Use synonyms
 in Private studios.
Moreover
Linking Words
, Tap is a form of
dance
Use synonyms
 which is liked by both adolescents and teenagers. In the pie chart, private studios are dominant in providing
dance
Use synonyms
classes
Use synonyms
 in Australia and are 48%. After that, school halls are popular where the
students
Use synonyms
 can join
dance
Use synonyms
classes
Use synonyms
 after school and are 24%. The Proportion of
dance
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classes
Use synonyms
 in community halls and college-based studios is 18% and 10% respectively. In the bar chart, the number of children under
age
Correct article usage
the age
show examples
 group 11 are attracted most by the Ballet
dance
Use synonyms
 type and 600
students
Use synonyms
 joined that,
whereas
Linking Words
 it is not so popular in
age
Add an article
the age
show examples
 group 11 to 16 and there are only 300
students
Use synonyms
.
Conversely
Linking Words
, In Modern
dance
Use synonyms
 form class, there are more than 500 teenagers, but
this
Linking Words
 type of
dance
Use synonyms
 is considered less by
students
Use synonyms
 under 11.
However
Linking Words
, in Tap
dance
Use synonyms
classes
Use synonyms
, there are about 410 teenagers and around 450 adolescents take part.
Thus
Linking Words
, there is a difference of nearly 20
students
Use synonyms
 in Tap
dance
Use synonyms
 which is negligible.
Submitted by arshdeepkaur375 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "whereas".
▼
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words dance, classes, students with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • attending
  • currently
  • location
  • variety
  • ballet
  • hip-hop
  • contemporary
  • jazz
  • venues
  • popularity
  • attendees
  • juxtaposing
  • correlating
  • proximity
  • cultural influences
  • trends
  • anomalies
  • monopoly
  • proportion
  • distribution
  • enrollment
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