IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The plans below show a public park when it first opened in 1920 and the same park today. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

#plans #show #park #first #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The maps provide detailed information about the redesignation of Grange
Park
Use synonyms
 over the course of a century.
Overall
Linking Words
, dramatic changes took place in a public
park
Use synonyms
. A range of amenities were demolished and built in a more modernised way.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the locations of some features were replaced. Within the
park
Use synonyms
, there were rose gardens at the corners with several benches nearby,
fountain
Correct article usage
a fountain
show examples
 in the centre and a performers' stage in the western part. A glasshouse and pond were located in the eastern part of the greenery. Visitors could enter the
park
Use synonyms
 from both the north and south sides of the site, passersby from Arnold Avenue and guests from Eldon Street. On closer examination of the current layout, an area has been developed by constructing new features,
such
Linking Words
 as a cafeteria, playground for children and amphitheatre for concerts, which allows guests to enjoy various performances. Almost all of the flower gardens and benches have been abridged and centred in a closer and central part, which can be attributed to the intention of more alleyways for people. Interestingly, an entrance from a parking lot, a parking lot itself and a water feature have been added in the southeastern area.
Submitted by ansa13 on

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coherence cohesion
While you have effectively summarised the changes in the park over time, try to include a concise conclusion to wrap up your observations. This will enhance the overall coherence of your essay.
task achievement
For Task Achievement, your essay successfully addresses the main features and provides relevant examples. However, consider elaborating slightly on the impact or importance of these changes to reinforce your main points.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is well-structured with logical transitions. Ensure that each paragraph clearly connects to the others, maintaining the reader’s interest and understanding throughout.
coherence cohesion
The introduction effectively sets the context by summarising the overall changes in the park, which provides a clear starting point for the discussion.
task achievement
You've successfully captured the main features of the park both historically and currently, allowing for a comprehensive comparison between the layouts.
task achievement
The essay includes relevant specific examples that illustrate the significant transformations within the park, demonstrating attention to detail.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • alterations
  • renovations
  • modernize
  • upgraded
  • transformed
  • landscaping
  • facilities
  • amenities
  • preservation
  • heritage
  • green spaces
  • eco-friendly
  • public space
  • community impact
  • historical elements
  • conservation
  • recreational areas
  • urban planning
  • sustainable development
  • layout
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