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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph shows the Australian workforce in five inductries between 1962 to 2012. Summarize key information and make comparison where relavant.

The graph shows the Australian workforce in five inductries between 1962 to 2012. Summarize key information and make comparison where relavant.
The given line graph illustrates the Australian
workforce
Use synonyms
 in five Australian industries from 1962 to 2012.
Overall
Linking Words
, the
workforce
Use synonyms
 in
service
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the service
a service
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industry
Use synonyms
 is significantly higher than
other
Change preposition
in other
show examples
 industries, and it experienced a rise over the period.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
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workforce
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the workforce
a workforce
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 in
manufacturing
Correct article usage
the manufacturing
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industry
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 experienced a decline.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the agricultural
industry
Use synonyms
workforce
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 witnessed a decline
while
Linking Words
Use synonyms
workforce
Correct article usage
the workforce
show examples
 in the mining and construction industries remained almost stable. Above 50% of
Use synonyms
workforce
Add an article
the workforce
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 was in the service
inductry
Correct your spelling
industry
 in 1962.
This
Linking Words
 figure
experiecned
Correct your spelling
experienced
 a gradual
increased
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increase
show examples
 and reached above 70% in 1992. In 2012, it reached around 78%. Meanwhile, around 27% of
Use synonyms
workforce
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the workforce
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 worked in the manufacturing
industry
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, and
this
Linking Words
 figure declined to below 20% in 1992. It
further
Linking Words
 declined to around 10% in 2012. In 1962, around 12% of
Use synonyms
workforce
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the workforce
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 worked in the agricultural
industry
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, and it dropped slightly throughout the period and reached around 5% in 2012.
Moreover
Linking Words
, in the mining
industry
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, roughly 1% of
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workforce
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the workforce
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 was in 1962, and it remained almost the same throughout the period with some slight increases and reached approximately 3% in 2012.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "moreover".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words workforce, industry with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decline" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "remained" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.
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