IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

The diagram below shows the production and processing of milk production for commercial sale.

The diagram below shows the production and processing of milk production for commercial sale.
The given
digram
Correct your spelling
diagram
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 depicts the
water
Use synonyms
 cycle with
constant
Add an article
the constant
a constant
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 movement of
water
Use synonyms
 in groundwater and surface
water
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 is
natural
Add an article
a natural
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 cycle with approximately 5-6 stages, which happens every day in the world. It starts with the transformation of
water
Use synonyms
 from
liquid
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a liquid
the liquid
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 state to
gas
Correct article usage
a gas
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 state.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
However,
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 the
last
Linking Words
 stage of the cycle is
Correct your spelling
saltwater
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salt
Correct your spelling
saltwater
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water
Use synonyms
 intrusion The first stage is when
water
Use synonyms
 from
surface
Add an article
the surface
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 of
ocean
Correct article usage
the ocean
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 evaporates via sun heating and condenses into
water
Use synonyms
 vapour. By the way in
air
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the air
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 is 80% vapour
water
Use synonyms
 from the ocean.
Afterwards
Add a comma
Afterwards,
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this
Linking Words
 evaporated
water
Use synonyms
become
Wrong verb form
becomes
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 a reason
of
Change preposition
for
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 cloud formation, which
Linking Words
furthermore
Add a missing verb
is furthermore
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 released as
a
Remove the article
apply
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precipitation into lakes or on the peak of mountains as
a
Remove the article
apply
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snow.
Then
Linking Words
 from
mountains
Add a comma
mountains,
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 the
water
Use synonyms
make
Change the verb form
makes
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surface
Add an article
the surface
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 runoff,
whereas
Linking Words
water
Use synonyms
 in lakes immerses into the land. Two
these
Change preposition
of these
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 stages lead to
flowing
Correct article usage
the flowing
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 of groundwater in
impervious
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the impervious
an impervious
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 layer. Next
water
Use synonyms
 under the land
is went
Change the verb form
is going
is gone
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salt
Correct your spelling
saltwater
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water
Use synonyms
 intrusion and eventually
this
Linking Words
water
Use synonyms
 is added into the ocean.

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words water with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 3 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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