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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The table below shows the percentage participation of women in senior management in three companies between 1975 and 2015.

The table below shows the percentage participation of women in senior management in three companies between 1975 and 2015.
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The statistics diagram indicated companies in which
for
Change preposition
from
show examples
 1875 to 2015
year
Use synonyms
 in primary positions were women .
Overall
Linking Words
,
company
Use synonyms
 Eldan
seen
Add a missing verb
has seen
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 very high jump statistics for 40
Use synonyms
year
Change to a plural noun
years
show examples
Linking Words
then
Correct your spelling
than
show examples
company
Use synonyms
 Finsbury .
Linking Words
Also
Add a comma
Also,
show examples
company
Use synonyms
 Eldan
rook
Change the verb form
rooks
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 the first place participation of women in senior management positions.
Company
Use synonyms
 Eldan for
40
Add a hyphen
40-year
show examples
year
Use synonyms
 periods jump positions women in management to 64 %.Early for 1975 to 1980 years everything
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 stabilise
in
Change preposition
at
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 3%,
then
Linking Words
 in
1985
Change the article
the 1985
show examples
year
Use synonyms
 it
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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reached 14 %and already by
1980
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the 1980
show examples
year
Use synonyms
percentage
Use synonyms
double
Wrong verb form
doubled
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 and already reached 28%Between periods 2000 and 2015 years for 15
Use synonyms
year
Change to a plural noun
years
show examples
 they
seen
Add the auxiliary verb
saw
have seen
show examples
 the highest level ,which reached
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
33 to 63%.If it
result
Verb problem
was
show examples
 to compare with the
company
Use synonyms
 Bamforth ,everything was going slowly for them .Every 5
Use synonyms
year
Fix the agreement mistake
years
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,the
percentage
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 of
Use synonyms
company
Add an article
the company
show examples
 grew
up
Change preposition
by
show examples
 only
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
2%.It is It sounded something like
this
Linking Words
 in
1975
Change the article
the 1975
show examples
year
Use synonyms
 9%,in
1980
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the 1980
show examples
year
Use synonyms
 11% and
this
Linking Words
 went on till
2000
Change the article
the 2000
show examples
year
Use synonyms
 .Already in
2000
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the 2000
show examples
year
Use synonyms
percentage
Use synonyms
 it is
company
Use synonyms
 reached
peak
Add an article
the peak
a peak
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 ,in
2000
Change the article
the 2000
show examples
year
Use synonyms
 for 17% for 15
Use synonyms
Change to a plural noun
years
show examples
year
Add a comma
year,
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 they reached to 46% As for
company
Use synonyms
 Finsbury ,they
company
Use synonyms
 everything
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 not
stability
Replace the word
stable
show examples
bi
Correct your spelling
by
show examples
 comparison with previous companies.
Percentage
Use synonyms
company
Use synonyms
 and they rose and
diminish
Wrong verb form
diminished
show examples
.In
1975
Change the article
the 1975
show examples
year
Use synonyms
percentage
Use synonyms
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 16% and in
1980
Change the article
the 1980
show examples
year
Use synonyms
 they
diminish
Wrong verb form
diminished
show examples
 to 14%. In the end ,they in 2015
year
Use synonyms
 reached 26%. By adding only 10 % for 40
Use synonyms
year
Change to a plural noun
years
show examples
.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words year, company, percentage with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "jump" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 6 times.
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