IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

It is sometimes possible to pay somebody to do things you don't want to do,or don't have time to do,for example,household chores or looking after children . Is this a good way of providing work for others? Should people do these things themselves?

#somebody #time #household #chores #children #work #people
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Nowadays,it is becoming more difficult to find the necessary
time
Use synonyms
 to do the
Use synonyms
home work
Correct your spelling
homework
show examples
.Even tasks as simple as cleaning the house and cooking the dinner or as important as childcare,are being delegated to third parties
such
Linking Words
 as nannies or private companies. Some people could say it is helpful to have someone who
support
Change the verb form
supports
show examples
ourselves
Correct pronoun usage
us
show examples
 at
home
Use synonyms
.Not only because we usually do not have
time
Use synonyms
 to do it,but because we can promote jobs for other people.
However
Linking Words
,I strongly believe that we should spend
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
 hours at the office and much more hours at
home
Use synonyms
. During
that
Add a comma
that,
show examples
 we should be able to carry on all the duties we
use
Wrong verb form
used
show examples
 to have in the houses. I think there are certain activities we should not pass
Change preposition
on to
show examples
to
Change preposition
on to
show examples
 others.
For instance
Linking Words
,taking care of our children .
This
Linking Words
 is something that we ,as parents ,should do for ourselves. No one else could provide the kids
all
Change preposition
with all
show examples
 the love,understanding and friendship that a mother or father
give
Correct subject-verb agreement
gives
show examples
 to them.I remember when I was a child ,my mother quit her job and she dedicated all her
time
Use synonyms
 and effort to look after my brothers and
I
Correct pronoun usage
me
show examples
. Now , I realized that it was an invaluable
time
Use synonyms
 impossible to have with somebody else different from our own mother. Summarizing,even though some people found useful to have others helping us
in
Change preposition
with
show examples
 our duties at
home
Use synonyms
,I think we should do it for ourselves because it provides
valuablr
Correct your spelling
valuable
time
Use synonyms
 at
home
Use synonyms
.So
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
we should work less and spend more
time
Use synonyms
 sharing with our
families.No
Correct your spelling
families
matter
Correct subject-verb agreement
matters
show examples
if
Correct word choice
whether
show examples
 it is household chores or looking after children.
Submitted by shital20802 on

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clear comprehensive ideas
Ensure that each idea is developed clearly and fully, avoiding any assumptions or abrupt transitions between thoughts.
relevant specific examples
Even though you have included examples, try to incorporate specific details or evidence to strengthen your arguments.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction effectively sets up the essay by introducing the problem of finding time for household tasks.
introduction conclusion present
The conclusion succinctly brings together the essay’s main ideas, reinforcing the viewpoint that people should handle their own household responsibilities.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Employment opportunities
  • Economic contribution
  • Specialization
  • Efficiency
  • Work-life balance
  • Productivity
  • Leisure time
  • Stress reduction
  • Quality of work
  • Trained professionals
  • Dependency
  • Life skills
  • Personal fulfillment
  • Self-sufficiency
  • Accomplishment
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