Some people think that having a set retiremnet age(e.g. 65 years) for everybody, regardless of occupation, is unfair. They believe that certain workers deserve to retire and receive at an earlier age. 1.Do you agree or disagree? 2.Which types of workers do you think should benefit from early retirement? Give reasond for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Some people believe that it is unfair to decide an
age
Use synonyms
to retire for all without
consider
Change the verb form
considering
show examples
their occupation, they
also
Linking Words
think that there are workers in
partcualry
Correct your spelling
particular
,
deserve
Correct pronoun usage
who deserve
show examples
to quit at an earlier
age
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
essay
agree
Change the verb form
agrees
show examples
with
this
Linking Words
satament
Correct your spelling
statement
because
determine
Wrong verb form
determining
show examples
a
spicific
Correct your spelling
specific
age
Use synonyms
to retire could waste a lot of
opportenities
Correct your spelling
opportunities
,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
believe that workers who do
havy
Correct your spelling
heavy
have
duty
work
Use synonyms
should get the benefit from early retirement. People would lose many
chancese
Correct your spelling
chances
changes
before they retire. they can take advantage
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
the
retirement's
Change noun form
retirement
show examples
sallery
Correct your spelling
gallery
salary
and make
thier
Correct your spelling
their
own
bussiness
Correct your spelling
business
,
thus
Linking Words
, if they
allowed
Add a missing verb
are allowed
show examples
to choose
Change the verb form
choosing
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
sutibale
Correct your spelling
suitable
time to retire , they will be able to take a genuine step
a head
Correct your spelling
ahead
show examples
to make
thier
Correct your spelling
their
own projects,
however
Linking Words
, they
wont
Add an apostrophe
won't
show examples
be able to do
this
Linking Words
if they wait
untill
Correct your spelling
until
the
retirment
Correct your spelling
retirement
age
Use synonyms
because they will be too old.
For example
Linking Words
, people who
left
Wrong verb form
leave
show examples
thier
Correct your spelling
their
jobs early and start their own
bussiness
Correct your spelling
business
, they get a
prosperity
Replace the word
prosperous
show examples
life.
Relatevely
Correct your spelling
Relatively
, the
indiviuals
Correct your spelling
individuals
who do the duty
work
Use synonyms
sould
Correct your spelling
should
could
be
gaven
Correct your spelling
given
the
ritre
Correct your spelling
rite
in early
age
Use synonyms
. They
work
Use synonyms
in hard
stituations
Correct your spelling
situations
situation
and put their selves in
risck
Correct your spelling
risk
,
therefore
Linking Words
, they deserve to take the
retiremant
Correct your spelling
retirement
early. They should have the full benefits from
retirment
Correct your spelling
retirement
qualification to
thrive
Verb problem
bring
show examples
them
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a brighter future which they deserve
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
, the oil field job
reqaire
Correct your spelling
require
requires
huge
affors
Correct your spelling
affords
and wide knowledge of
oil
Correct article usage
the oil
show examples
and gas
insector
Correct your spelling
inspector
sector
,
thus
Linking Words
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
field
workeres
Correct your spelling
workers
face a lot of
chalinges
Correct your spelling
challenges
changes
. In conclusion, I
totalty
Correct your spelling
totally
agree that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
the
ritre
Correct your spelling
right
time should not be set for
long
Add an article
the long
a long
show examples
term,
also
Linking Words
some workers who
work
Use synonyms
in
hevy
Correct your spelling
heavy
duties deserve the benefit of early retirement.
Submitted by reemstar20 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Grammar and Spelling
Focus on fixing spelling and grammatical errors throughout the essay. For instance, 'determine' should be 'determining,' and 'opportunites' should be 'opportunities'.
Sentence Clarity
Ensure your ideas are clearly expressed in sentences that are easy to read. Some sentences are confusing due to grammatical mistakes or awkward phrasing.
Content Development
Develop your main points more fully by providing detailed examples and explanations. For example, your arguments about people starting their businesses after early retirement could be expanded.
Structure
The essay contains a clear introduction and conclusion, providing a complete framework for the argument.
Task Fulfillment
The essay addresses the task by discussing whether retirement ages should be flexible and highlights specific worker categories.
Logical Organization
A logical structure is evident, with reasons and examples provided to support the main points, although there can be improvements.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: