IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

It has been claimed that workers over 50 are not responsive to rapidly changing ideas in the modern workplace and that for this reason younger workers are to be preferred. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#workers #workplace #reason
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In
contemporary
Correct article usage
the contemporary
show examples
 Era,competition between
oldage
Correct your spelling
old age
 and young age
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 been growing day by day.
However
Linking Words
,some
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
show examples
 argue that old
people
Use synonyms
 who
cross
Verb problem
are
show examples
 55
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
do not
take
Verb problem
apply
show examples
response
Replace the word
respond
show examples
 immediately
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 ideas in the contemporary
workplace
Use synonyms
. As
wee
Correct your spelling
we
show examples
 as
this
Linking Words
 can
be happen
Change the verb form
happen
show examples
due to
Linking Words
 the next generation is perfect in
work
Use synonyms
.I disagree with
this
Linking Words
 given statement because old
people
Use synonyms
 are
take
Wrong verb form
taking
show examples
 slow responses
due to
Linking Words
 their health is not well. To
embark
Verb problem
begin
show examples
 with,the first and foremost reason is,
old
Correct word choice
that old
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 are perfect in every
work
Use synonyms
.
Due to
Linking Words
 they follow ancient methods in their life.
As a result
Linking Words
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
,they
doing
Wrong verb form
do
show examples
 all
Use synonyms
work
Correct article usage
the work
show examples
 with patience and
camly
Correct your spelling
calmly
.
In addition
Linking Words
, they give
work
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
full of dedication
along with
Linking Words
 rigorous
work
Use synonyms
 for
Use synonyms
workplace
Add an article
the workplace
show examples
. They are suffering
different
Change preposition
from different
show examples
 kinds of health issues. That's why they
didn't
Wrong verb form
don't
show examples
take
Correct your spelling
make
show examples
 quick
decision
Fix the agreement mistake
decisions
show examples
 in their
work
Use synonyms
.
Linking Words
for
Capitalize word
For
show examples
 instance, if
people
Use synonyms
are
Verb problem
have
show examples
 having fever or any kind of disease they do not appreciate
work
Use synonyms
 in less time period.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
firstly
Linking Words
, the prominent reason is most of the
business
Fix the agreement mistake
businesses
show examples
are choice
Verb problem
choose
show examples
 to
employee
Replace the word
employ
show examples
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a youngster
due to
Linking Words
 their ability, qualification
as well as
Linking Words
 perfection in
work
Use synonyms
.
As a result
Linking Words
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
, demand in
Use synonyms
workplace
Add an article
the workplace
show examples
is
Change preposition
for is
show examples
 young generation is higher. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
youngster
Fix the agreement mistake
youngsters
show examples
 are convenient for every
work
Use synonyms
. They give full dedication
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
work
Use synonyms
. In my opinion, old
people
Use synonyms
 are more aware of their
work
Use synonyms
 but some of the health causes they didn't react quickly in
Use synonyms
workplace
Add an article
the workplace
show examples
.
Submitted by shital20802 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure the essay has a clear, coherent structure with logical transitions between ideas. Consider using linking words to improve the flow.
task achievement
Elaborate more on the main points presented in the essay. Providing additional examples or insights could strengthen your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Focus on maintaining consistency in tenses and clear word choice to improve clarity and coherence.
coherence cohesion
The essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion, giving a solid framework to the response.
task achievement
The response attempts to address both sides of the argument, demonstrating an effort to provide a balanced view.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: