IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

City environments become unhealthy suggest possible causes and solutions

#city #environments
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People argue it is more harmful to health to live in urban areas than it used to be. it is
the
Correct article usage
a
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 fact that
Correct article usage
the
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level of pollution increased dramatically
comparing
Change the form of the verb
compared
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 to the past. There are many
of
Change preposition
apply
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issues responsible for an unhealthy environment.
Firstly
Linking Words
, there are a lot of traffic fumes produced by
the
Correct article usage
apply
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cars the amount of which is more than 60% higher now than in the past days.
Similarly
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, a lot of industries produce gases which are harmful to all the living on the earth.
Moreover
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,
usage
Correct article usage
the usage
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 of plastic packaging reached an enormous level. In order to figure out
this
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 problem, government should impose some strict rules on commercial units. They
also
Linking Words
 should encourage people to use
a public transport
Remove the article
public transport
a means of public transport
a mode of public transport
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 as it can reduce the amount of cars and fumes they produce.
Government
Correct article usage
The government
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 should control the implementation of new technologies
at
Change preposition
in
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 fabrics because it helps
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
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 to be less harmful to the environment.
For instance
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, one should try to follow some rules to keep our planet clean,
such
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 as recycling, using less plastic
and
Correct word choice
apply
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etc.
To conclude
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,
wastage
Correct your spelling
waste
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 produced by factories, more vehicles on the road and barely able to be decomposed things are harmful
for
Change the preposition
to
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 our planet. It can be stopped by a few steps but
being
Wrong verb form
is
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 controlled only. It should be watched not only by
government
Add an article
the government
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 but by citizens as well.
Submitted by khotkina.ma on

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supporting main points
Try to develop paragraphs with more detailed and specific examples. For instance, when discussing pollution from vehicles, you might quantify the level of emissions or cite studies/reports.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving the logical flow within paragraphs. Ensure each sentence naturally leads to the next, enhancing clarity and smoothness of reading.
clarity and precision
Be more precise with language usage to avoid ambiguity. For example, 'barely able to be decomposed things' could be replaced with 'non-biodegradable waste'.
structure
Clear structure with a well-introduced topic and concluded points.
task achievement
Good identification of major issues like traffic fumes, industrial gases, and plastic waste.
solutions
Effective inclusion of general solutions, showing awareness of government roles and citizen responsibilities.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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