IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Today more and more trourists are visiting places where conditions are different, such as the Sahara desert or the Antarctic. What are the benefits and disadvantages for tourists who visit places?

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Nowadays, many tourists are
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
Use synonyms
places
Change preposition
to places
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 where conditions are different.There are both merits and demerits, and I think that the benefits are greater than the drawbacks.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, not all aspects are beneficial.
Firstly
Linking Words
,there
are
Change the verb form
is
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 less information about new
places
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. Many
people
Use synonyms
visit
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 new
places
Use synonyms
 to
travel
Use synonyms
 but they
did
Wrong verb form
do
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 not have enough information so it could
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
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encourage danger.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 who
visit
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
Sahara
Correct article usage
the Sahara
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desert
Use synonyms
 or the
Antarctic
Use synonyms
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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need a lot of money to
travel
Use synonyms
.
Use synonyms
Sahara
Correct article usage
The Sahara
show examples
desert
Use synonyms
 or the
Antarctic
Use synonyms
 are very rare
places
Use synonyms
 to
travel
Use synonyms
 so if they want to
visit
Use synonyms
 there they need to spend a lot of money
for
Change preposition
on
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 tour
product
Fix the agreement mistake
products
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.
However
Linking Words
,
advantages
Correct article usage
the advantages
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 are greater than
disadvantages
Correct article usage
the disadvantages
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.First of all, they can experience a new environment.
For example
Linking Words
, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
did
Wrong verb form
do
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 not experience like
Sahara
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desert
Use synonyms
 or the
Antarctic
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 so if they
travel
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 there it can be
memorable
Add an article
a memorable
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 experience.
In addition
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 who
visit
Use synonyms
places
Use synonyms
 where conditions are different
with
Change preposition
from
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they
Rephrase
where they
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 live
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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can help to perspective on the world.
Lot
Change the article
A lot
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 of
environment
Fix the agreement mistake
environments
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 is different with they live so they can increase their knowledge about
people
Use synonyms
 who live in
Use synonyms
Sahara
Correct article usage
the Sahara
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desert
Use synonyms
 or
Use synonyms
Antarctic
Correct article usage
the Antarctic
show examples
how
Correct word choice
and how
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 can they
servive
Correct your spelling
survive
service
on
Change preposition
in
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 hot or cold weather. In conclusion,
Linking Words
although
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 should
visiting
Wrong verb form
visit
show examples
places
Use synonyms
 where
condition
Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
show examples
 are different.
Thus
Linking Words
,
benefits
Correct article usage
the benefits
show examples
 are greater than the drawbacks.

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task achievement
Expand on points with more specific examples or evidence to strengthen arguments.
coherence cohesion
Clarify transitions between ideas to improve logical flow.
task achievement
The essay addresses both benefits and drawbacks of visiting unusual locations, showing a balanced approach.
coherence cohesion
The introduction presents the topic clearly, and the conclusion effectively summarizes the main points.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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