IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

*Nowadays many people choose to be self-employed, rather than to work for a company or organisation. *Why might this be the case? *What could be the disadvantages of being self-employed?

#*nowadays #people #work #company #organisation #*why #be #case #*what
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In our modern life, despite a chance to be employed by
employer
Add an article
the employer
an employer
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, several
people
Use synonyms
 tend to establish their own
businesses
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.
While
Linking Words
people
Use synonyms
 think that in
this
Linking Words
 way they can be dominant and take their responsibilities themselves, there are some drawbacks
of
Change preposition
to
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 being self-employed. On the one hand,
currently
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currently,
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 a lot of
people
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 suffer from toxic work
environment
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environments
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. After Covid-19, employers are prone to be stricter in order to avoid any bankruptcy situation in
the
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apply
show examples
all cases, so it might push
people
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 to leave their jobs
,
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apply
show examples
 and
built
Wrong verb form
build
show examples
 their
businesses
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. It would be an incentive for
people
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 to improve themselves, and to be accountable to their personalities.
For example
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, after the
pandemy
Correct your spelling
pandemic
,
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 huge number of
people
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 became the e-Resident of Estonia
,
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apply
show examples
 and established their own
businesses
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.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there are detrimental effects of denying to work under the name of
orher
Correct your spelling
other
 establishments.
Firstly
Linking Words
, as all founders would like to grow and enhance their
businesses
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, they need capable employers to
achive
Correct your spelling
achieve
 their
successes
Fix the agreement mistake
success
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
, if workers are not happy to co-operate with the founders, unfortunately, the
business
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 owners will not be
successfull
Correct your spelling
successful
, and it might be the end of different
business
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 sectors.
Additionally
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, all the countries have different legal and tax
system
Fix the agreement mistake
systems
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, and it is not always the prime solution to open
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business
Correct article usage
a business
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. A person who would like to build his own
business
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 might deal with paperwork and tax authorities.
Linking Words
At
Change the preposition
In
show examples
 the end, it would have
Add an article
the affect
an affect
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affect
Replace the word
effect
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of
Change preposition
on
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 mental well-being. In summary,
while
Linking Words
 today
people
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prone
Add a missing verb
are prone
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 to be the boss of themselves,
take
Correct word choice
and take
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 their responsibilities,
this
Linking Words
 opinion may cause
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 lack of
business
Use synonyms
 sectors, and mental welfare.
Submitted by nazrin.ceferova on

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coherence cohesion
Try to provide a clearer structure to your paragraphs. Ensure that each paragraph starts with a clear topic sentence and that all sentences within the paragraph relate to this main idea.
task achievement
Include more examples or elaborations on the points made to further illustrate your ideas.
task achievement
Watch out for minor grammatical errors and ensure sentence structures are varied and accurate.
task achievement
You have addressed the task by discussing both reasons why people choose self-employment and the disadvantages associated with it.
coherence cohesion
The essay demonstrates a clear progression of ideas from one paragraph to the next, allowing for easy reading and understanding.
task achievement
You effectively used examples such as the e-Residency of Estonia to support your points, which strengthens the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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