IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Some people believe the unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programmes (for example working for a charity, improving the neighbourhood of teaching sports to younger children).

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Some people have a view that volunteering in
community
Use synonyms
 services should be a core course curriculum in all senior high schools.
Students
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 can involve in activities like charity, improve the
neighborhood
Change the spelling
neighbourhood
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 and teach sports to the children.
However
Linking Words
, I disagree with
this
Linking Words
 statement, because giving additional activities can lead pupils to be overwhelmed. Since the majority of senior high school
students
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 focus on preparing for University, working on voluntary programmes is not necessary. Most of the
students
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 spend their time in the school's activities,
moreover
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 have time for socialization and doing their hobbies are an essential part
in
Change preposition
of
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 their age.
For
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instance
Add a comma
instance,
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 the
last
Linking Words
 grade student mostly has an additional course after school time.
Thus
Linking Words
, adding a mandatory subject could increase their stress and will impact to academic
performances
Fix the agreement mistake
performance
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.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, volunteering should lead to the willingness of every student. Several
students
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 choose to work in
community
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 service as an extracurricular to gain
experiences
Fix the agreement mistake
experience
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,
therefore
Linking Words
 it will be a lesson for them to respect other people. Regarding the LinkedIn survey, having experience
as
Correct word choice
apply
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volunteering is an added value
of
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to
show examples
 the people
to
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apply
show examples
hiring in the company.
As a result
Linking Words
, some of the
students
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 are competing to join
community
Use synonyms
 services. In conclusion, senior high schools should have a partnership with
community
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 services and encourage their
students
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 to be involved. It is not a compulsory part but an option for the
students
Use synonyms
.

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task achievement
Try to make sure that the main points are fully developed with more specific examples or evidence to support your argument. This will strengthen your essay and make it more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Work on linking ideas and paragraphs more clearly. Although the essay has a logical structure, the flow between ideas could be smoother by using cohesive devices or transition words more effectively.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion that frame the essay well. This helps in presenting your argument in a structured manner.
task achievement
Your response addresses the task quite effectively, providing a clear stance and reasoning against making community service compulsory in schools.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • compulsory
  • high school programmes
  • unpaid community service
  • charity
  • improving the neighbourhood
  • teaching sports
  • sense of responsibility
  • empathy
  • broader perspective
  • societal issues
  • college applications
  • job applications
  • positive impact
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