IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In some countries, small town-centre shops are going out of business because people tend to drive to large out-of-town stores. As a result, people without cars have limited access to out-of town stores, and it may result in an increase in the use of cars. Do you think the disadvantages of this change outweigh its advantages?

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In some nations, the current scenario is that many small town-centre
stores
Use synonyms
 are facing problems in running their business as a majority of
people
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 prefer to
visit
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 the large
stores
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 situated
outisde
Correct your spelling
outside
 the town
by
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their own
cars
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.
Due to
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this
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, many
people
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 who do not own
cars
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 are unable to
visit
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such
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 big
stores
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.
This
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 may result in a hike in the usage of
cars
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.
This
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 situation has
both
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 merits and demerits which will be
ellaborated
Correct your spelling
elaborated
 in the essay
further
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. To commence with, there are certain advantages to
increase in
Wrong verb form
increasing
show examples
 the use of vehicles for visiting the larger
stores
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 which are located outside the town.
Firstly
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, an increasing number of citizens will buy their own
cars
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 in order to enable them to shop from the big shopping centres.
This
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 eventually brings profit to the entire automobile manufacturing and selling industry.
Secondly
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,
People
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 will be able to buy branded things which are unavailable in the local markets.
This
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consequently
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 enables them to be happy and content about their shopping experience. To give a clear example, recently a huge proportion of the Indian population prefers travelling long distances for shopping at international brand
stores
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 as they believe that shopping at
such
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 malls helps them to get good quality and long-lasting products.
This
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 gives them better satisfaction
of
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in
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 spending money.
In contrast
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, it is worth noting that, the disadvantages of
this
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 current trend cannot be neglected. Primarily, the increasing number of vehicles on the roads will require more fuel.
Secondly
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, more private
cars
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 bring along the problem of huge traffic
congestions
Fix the agreement mistake
congestion
show examples
.
Both
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 these after-effects will undoubtedly raise the air and noise pollution levels beyond healthy limits.
Moreover
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, the small-scale local businesses and
stores
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 will soon have to be shut down
due to
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 no customers,
thus
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 causing the owners to face
enormours
Correct your spelling
enormous
 losses.
For example
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, in Mumbai, many local clothing
shops
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 are now shutting down as a large proportion of the buyers
visit
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 the branded clothing
stores
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. On analyzing
both
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 sides of the situation, the drawbacks pose a huge threat to
both
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 the environment
as well as
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 the local entrepreneurs.
Therefore
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,the disadvantages
outweight
Correct your spelling
outweigh
 the advantages. To recapitulate, small town-centre
shops
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 are closing as many
people
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visit
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 the big
shops
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 located on the outskirts.
People
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 not
having
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 their own
cars
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,
thus
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 have limited access to these
shops
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.
This
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 might cause a surge in the number of
cars
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.
Although
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this
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serves
Verb problem
is
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 beneficial for the automobile industries and the
people
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, the losses to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
nature and the small, local
shops
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 are devastating.

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Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure all paragraphs are consistently cohesive with seamless transitions. Some transitions can be improved for smoother flow.
Task Achievement
In the conclusion, reiterate the key arguments clearly to reinforce the essay's stance.
Coherence & Cohesion
Enrich the essay with more varied sentence structures to enhance readability and engagement.
Task Achievement
The essay effectively presents a balanced view by examining both advantages and disadvantages of the trend.
Coherence & Cohesion
The introduction and conclusion clearly frame the argument, maintaining focus throughout the essay.
Task Achievement
Relevant examples, such as the situations in India and Mumbai, are used to illustrate points effectively.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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