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Writing Samples
Band 5

The diagram below shows the stages in the recycling of aluminium drinks cans. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The diagram below shows the stages in the recycling of aluminium drinks cans. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#stages #aluminium #drinks #cans #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The diagram shows the stages of the recycling of
aluminium
Use synonyms
 drink
cans
Use synonyms
,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
. It starts with collecting
cans
Use synonyms
 and ends with the creation of new
aluminium
Use synonyms
 staff.
Overall
Linking Words
, the recycling
process
Use synonyms
 consists of three parts. These parts: collecting already used
cans
Use synonyms
,
Use synonyms
process
Add an article
the process
show examples
 of recycling
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 in the special centres and
finally
Linking Words
Use synonyms
process
Add an article
the process
show examples
 of producing new
aluminium
Use synonyms
cans
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
process
Use synonyms
 is cyclical. The
process
Use synonyms
 starts in the collection centre, where collected
cans
Use synonyms
 are sorted. After
that
Add a comma
that,
show examples
 the
cans
Use synonyms
 go to the recycling centre. At
this
Linking Words
 stage, the
aluminium
Use synonyms
cans
Use synonyms
 are pressed into large blocks,
this
Linking Words
 is necessary to prepare for the next
step
Use synonyms
. The
last
Linking Words
step
Use synonyms
 takes place in the
aluminium
Use synonyms
 recycling plant,
Use synonyms
aluminium
Rephrase
where aluminium
show examples
 blocks are melted down
for producing
Change preposition
to produce
show examples
 new
aluminium
Use synonyms
.
Then
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
aluminium
Use synonyms
 is shaped into two products,
aluminium
Use synonyms
 rolls and after in
cans
Use synonyms
.
Linking Words
This
Change the determiner
These
show examples
cans
Use synonyms
 are going back to drink machines. So,
this
Linking Words
 is the
last
Linking Words
step
Use synonyms
 and
this
Linking Words
step
Use synonyms
end
Correct subject-verb agreement
ends
show examples
 the recycling cycle.
Submitted by khotkina.ma on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "last".
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 75%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words aluminium, cans, process, step with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 2 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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