IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

many people work long hours, leaving very little time for leisure activities. Dose this situation have more advantages or more disadvantage.

#people #work #hours #time #leisure #activities #dose #situation
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In today’s society,
involving
Replace the word
involvement
show examples
 in ever-shifting
life
Use synonyms
 issues whether because of ambition or expenses,
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 left little time for individuals to entertain themselves with what they are interested in. From my
prospective
Correct your spelling
perspective
show examples
 devoting most of
wealthy
Add an article
the wealthy
show examples
moment
Fix the agreement mistake
moments
show examples
 of
life
Use synonyms
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 careers could come across many problems despite some extensive
accomplishment
Fix the agreement mistake
accomplishments
show examples
 that might happen to some people. On the one hand, some folks are highly ambitious to attain their goals through diligent efforts.
This
Linking Words
 can lead to financial
gaining
Replace the word
gain
show examples
 and promotion in their profession.
For instance
Linking Words
, some employees might take on challenging projects to stand out in their field. Their attempt can result in significant progression,
such
Linking Words
 as receiving higher salaries and gaining recognition in their field.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, many aspects of one’s
life
Use synonyms
 could be hurt in long-term
laboring
Change the spelling
labouring
show examples
 including mental
as well as
Linking Words
 physical
disrupt
Replace the word
disruption
show examples
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, in
physical
Add an article
the physical
show examples
 aspect, workers who do not dedicate spare moments in their schedule
such
Linking Words
 as sport are exposed to heart diseases and obesity.
Secondly
Linking Words
, in
mental
Correct article usage
the mental
show examples
 facet, toiling at difficult tasks can reduce the
qualities
Fix the agreement mistake
quality
show examples
 of work.
For example
Linking Words
, assigning an employee to
Correct article usage
a numbers
show examples
numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
show examples
 of complex roles could seriously diminish his efficiency of functions.
Additionally
Linking Words
, the main drawback of engaging in professions is
potential
Correct article usage
the potential
show examples
 of weakening personal and professional communications. Consequences of
this
Linking Words
 could include, missing out
important
Change preposition
on important
show examples
moment
Fix the agreement mistake
moments
show examples
 of
life
Use synonyms
, reduction in social interactions especially with friends and disability in maintaining relationships. In general, a proper balance between work times and entertainment is
substantial
Correct article usage
a substantial
show examples
 key to
gain
Wrong verb form
gaining
show examples
 happiness and comfort
Use synonyms
life
Change preposition
in life
show examples
.
Although
Linking Words
 long-term striving at
workplace
Add an article
the workplace
show examples
 could have extensive merits for
minority
Add an article
a minority
the minority
show examples
 of people, it
also
Linking Words
adverse
Add a missing verb
has adverse
show examples
 effects for many who will not
successful
Add a missing verb
be successful
show examples
 in
this
Linking Words
 regard.
Submitted by mohammadmafi6809 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
The essay effectively addresses the task by examining both advantages and disadvantages of working long hours, providing a balanced view. However, sentence structures are sometimes unclear, affecting the overall coherence.
coherence cohesion
Structuring the essay in a clear manner is important. Your essay has a good introduction and conclusion, but consider linking ideas more fluidly between paragraphs to improve logical flow and connectivity. Also, focus on providing more varied examples to support your points.
task achievement
You effectively presented both the advantages and disadvantages of working long hours, which demonstrates a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
You included an introduction and a conclusion, which helps in structuring your essay and sets a solid framework for your arguments.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: