IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that a county becomes more interesting and develops faster when its population includes a mixture of different nationalities and cultures. Do you agree or disagree ?

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I agree that a
country
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 becomes more interesting and develops faster when its population includes a mixture of different nationalities and
cultures
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. There are several reasons why
this
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 is beneficial. On one hand,diversity brings new ideas and perspectives. People from different
cultures
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 bring different ways of thinking, which can lead to innovation and progress.
For example
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, in cities with large immigrant populations, like New York or London, new businesses and industries often grow because people from various backgrounds contribute fresh ideas and skills.
On the other hand
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,having a mix of nationalities makes a
country
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 more interesting. Different
cultures
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 bring unique foods, music, festivals, and traditions, which can make the
country
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 more attractive to tourists and enrich the local community.
For example
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, the presence of people from many countries in a city often leads to a wide variety of restaurants and cultural events, creating a vibrant and lively environment. In conclusion, I believe that a mixture of nationalities and
cultures
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 makes a
country
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 more interesting and helps it develop faster, both economically and socially. Diversity brings creativity, attracts tourists, and supports economic growth, which are all important for a
country
Use synonyms
's progress.

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coherence cohesion
Your essay is well-structured and clearly organized. For an even higher score, ensure that each paragraph smoothly transitions into the next. Consider using linking words like 'additionally', 'furthermore', or 'consequently' to enhance cohesion.
task achievement
You've provided good examples, but consider expanding them to give more depth to your argument. For instance, how do these cities specifically benefit from diverse populations economically or socially?
coherence cohesion
Your introduction is clear and directly addresses the topic, which is excellent for setting the stage for your argument.
task achievement
The use of real-world examples like New York and London effectively supports your points and demonstrates relevance to the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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