Some people believe that entertainment such as film star pop musicians or sports star are paid to much money Do you agree or disagree? Which other type of jobs should be highly paid.?

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It is often argued by some that entertainment
such
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as movie celebrities,singers or sports
famous
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apply
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personality
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personalities
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are highly paid.
Although
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some might disagree with the notion;
however
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, I completely agree. Not only because of their huge
fans
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fan
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base. but
also
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because of their
fame
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.
This
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essay will enunciate how these factors justify my opinion. There are multiple factors behind
that
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apply
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the high assets
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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paid to human stars .
Firstly
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, because of their authentic
fans
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fan
show examples
base they demand more assets .As
,
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apply
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managment
Correct your spelling
management
appear
Verb problem
sees
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them as a part of their group they would
also
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get
a
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apply
show examples
high merit in light of their audience
.
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For
for example
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,
the
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apply
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shahid
afridi
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Afridi
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who is
the
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a
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worldwide famous cricket
of
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apply
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the
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apply
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Pakistan, in PSL matches every team offer a great amount of money to him to become a part of their group because of his fan following.
Thus
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, it is accurate that celebrities get
high
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highly
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paid because of their supporters.
Secondly
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, apart from the supporters,
fame
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is another reason.
As because
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Because
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of their
fame
Use synonyms
numerous advertising campaigns approach them to advertise their products through them.
For instance
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,
atif aslam
Correct your spelling
Atif Aslam
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the famous singer of Pakistan
approach
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approaches
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in
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apply
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television serials,
commercials
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and commercials
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as well as
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in
model
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the model
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field and
get
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gets
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many offers from other nations just because of his name and profession.
Hence
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, in
this
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way
Add a comma
way,
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the stars get
many a offers
Correct the article-noun agreement
many offers
many a offer
show examples
from different professions and
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also
Add a missing verb
are also
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paid a huge money. In conclusion, the above evidence made it
vivid
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clear
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that,
well know
Correct your spelling
well-known
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humans get huge wealth because of their enormous followers
as well as
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because of their
fame
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by nidarif855 on

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coherence cohesion
To achieve a higher score, consider improving the clarity of your argument by linking ideas more clearly within paragraphs. Use transitional phrases to enhance the logical flow.
coherence cohesion
While your introduction and conclusion are present, ensure they clearly summarize the main points and arguments more effectively.
task achievement
Enhance the task response by fully addressing both parts of the question. Discuss the second part about 'which other types of jobs should be highly paid' with more specific examples.
task achievement
To make your ideas clearer and more comprehensive, provide more detailed examples and explanations for your statements.
task achievement
Your essay presents clear arguments supporting the high salaries of celebrities due to their fame and fan base, showing good understanding of the topic.
task achievement
You have provided specific examples, such as Shahid Afridi and Atif Aslam, to support your points. This adds relevance and specificity to your essay.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps to frame your argument and provide closure.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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