IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2

The daigram below show the stages and equipment used in cement-making process, and how cement is used to produce concrete for building purposes.

#daigram #show #stages #equipment #process #cement #purposes
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The
daigram
Correct your spelling
diagram
 illustrates the steps and accessories used in the
cement
Use synonyms
 authorise process
as well as
Linking Words
 how
cement
Use synonyms
 is useful to produce concrete for construction work.
Overall
Linking Words
, there
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 the 7
step
Fix the agreement mistake
steps
show examples
 of
cement
Use synonyms
 construction.
Linking Words
however
Capitalize word
However
show examples
 the first step of
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
cement
Use synonyms
 production is
grinding
Correct article usage
the grinding
show examples
 of the limestones and clay.
Furthermore
Linking Words
 , the
last
Linking Words
 stage is storing
a
Remove the article
cement
a block of cement
show examples
cement
Use synonyms
 in the bags.
In contrast
Linking Words
, the highest use of
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
gravel in
concrete
Add an article
the concrete
a concrete
show examples
 mixture to produce
a concrete
Remove the article
concrete
a block of concrete
a hunk of concrete
show examples
 is 50%. Meanwhile, the lowest use
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
a
Correct your spelling
of
show examples
 water in
mixer
Add an article
the mixer
a mixer
show examples
 is 10%. It is quite evident from the diagram, that the first stage of
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
cement
Use synonyms
 construction is crushing the limestone,
clay
Correct word choice
and clay
show examples
 and
make
Wrong verb form
making
show examples
 a
powder
Use synonyms
.
however
Linking Words
,mixing the
powder
Use synonyms
 in the rotating heater
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
makes the
powder
Use synonyms
 heated.
Whereas
Linking Words
, grind the
powder
Use synonyms
 and convert
into
Correct pronoun usage
it into
show examples
 a
bags
Fix the agreement mistake
bag
show examples
.
In addition
Linking Words
 to that, in producing
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
concrete the use of
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
cement
Use synonyms
 is 15% and water 10%
as well as
Linking Words
 sand 25%
also
Linking Words
 small stones 50%
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 added
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
mixture
Add an article
the mixture
show examples
 and
this
Linking Words
how
Add a missing verb
is how
show examples
 concrete
is produces
Change the verb form
is produced
show examples
.
Submitted by nidarif855 on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Improve the logical structure by organizing the essay into clear paragraphs. Begin with an introduction, describe the cement-making process, then the concrete production process, and conclude effectively.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure the information in each paragraph is logically linked. Use linking words to guide the reader through the stages.
Task Response
Focus on task achievement by describing each stage of the process in more detail. Avoid repetition and ensure each stage is clearly differentiated.
Task Response
Ensure high accuracy in vocabulary related to the process and describe equipment and materials accurately.
Task Response
Clarify ideas by using more precise language and ensure each stage in the diagram is clearly discussed.
Task Response
You have made an attempt to summarize the process and have identified the components necessary for cement and concrete production.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay gives an overview of the steps involved in cement and concrete production.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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