IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many people feel that students should learn from online materials while others feel that it is better to use printed materials. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #students #materials
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
There are different outlooks in terms of student learning methods
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
which
better
Add a missing verb
is better
show examples
 between online and printed materials.
This
Linking Words
 essay will depict
advantages
Correct article usage
the advantages
show examples
as well as
Linking Words
disadvantages
Correct article usage
the disadvantages
show examples
 of both views relatively
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 before
suggests
Wrong verb form
suggesting
show examples
 the best way to study in the school.  People who prefer the online approach
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 studying may come from urban society or
fortune
Replace the word
fortunate
show examples
 family members who used to be familiar with
technology
Replace the word
technological
show examples
 advances, including internet
network
Fix the agreement mistake
networks
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 is because any technology product providing some beneficial features is mostly expensive and exclusive
that
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 not everyone will be able to have the ability to use it. 
This
Linking Words
,
in addition
Linking Words
, showcases the downside of learning from online matters. Apple products with their sophisticated online features,
for example
Linking Words
, not only have
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 high price but
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
also
Linking Words
 indicate sign value which
distinct
Replace the word
distinguishes
show examples
 social
class
Fix the agreement mistake
classes
show examples
 between one to another which eventually
create
Correct subject-verb agreement
creates
show examples
 more social
gap
Fix the agreement mistake
gaps
show examples
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
real life.
In contrast
Linking Words
, those who live in rural areas
more enjoying
Wrong verb form
enjoy
show examples
 printed material for learning.
The one
Correct article usage
One
show examples
 specific reason is studying
with
Change preposition
in
show examples
traditional
Correct article usage
a traditional
show examples
 way
such
Linking Words
 as using
paper based
Add a hyphen
paper-based
show examples
 books is more affordable to get and does not depend on the
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, students are more
focus
Replace the word
focused
show examples
 when they learn
with
Change preposition
in
show examples
this
Linking Words
 way because less distractions from,
for instance
Linking Words
,
comercial
Correct your spelling
commercial
 ads or any notifications.
However
Linking Words
, the disadvantage of learning offline remains
like
Correct word choice
that
show examples
 people need more space to keep their
moduls
Correct your spelling
modules
models
safety
Replace the word
safe
show examples
, and they are not as flexible as
whose
Correct your spelling
those
show examples
 using
online
Add an article
the online
an online
show examples
 approach for learning. 
Therefore
Linking Words
, in my opinion, the
last
Linking Words
 method
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 learning has
enormous
Add an article
an enormous
show examples
 positive impact
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 students.
Submitted by anwarkur20 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your essay clearly introduces the topic and presents both viewpoints, fulfilling a complete response. However, strengthening the connection between the advantages and disadvantages of each viewpoint could provide a more comprehensive discussion.
coherence cohesion
To improve, try incorporating more varied sentence structures to enhance coherence and cohesion. Ensure each paragraph flows naturally into the next with clear transitions.
coherence cohesion
The introduction is clear and sets the stage for discussing both views effectively.
task achievement
You made a good attempt to distinguish between different socioeconomic groups and how they might interact with learning methods differently.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: