IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Everyone should adopt a vegetarian diet because eating meat can cause serious health problems. Do you agree or disagree

#diet #meat #health
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In society, people often argue that eating chicken or any other kind of flesh can lead to major
life threating
Add a hyphen
life-threating
show examples
 diseases, so each person should follow a plant-based diet. I agree with the notion and believe that it would help in maintaining a good and healthy lifestyle. The following paragraph discusses both arguments. To commence with, eating
vegetables
Use synonyms
 or fruits has a lot of advantages like one can get proper nutrients and fibers from them
Linking Words
such
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
green
vegetables
Use synonyms
 including broccoli,
spinach
Correct word choice
and spinach
show examples
 help in maintaining good bone and heart health.
Moreover
Linking Words
, lentils and beans are great sources of protein which is a necessity for the human body to do daily tasks.
Additionally
Linking Words
, nowadays getting good quality meat is very difficult because in order to
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
show examples
 the needs of an increasing population big companies
using
Wrong verb form
use
show examples
 different drugs on
animals
Use synonyms
 for their growth.
For example
Linking Words
,
according to
Linking Words
 the survey published in the ‘NEWS DAILY’ the chicken available in stores has found
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
traces of injecting growth hormones at their initial age for their fast growth which can
also
Linking Words
 affect human health.
Also
Linking Words
, the suffering of
animals
Use synonyms
 should be the main reason for people to follow
vegetarian
Add an article
a vegetarian
show examples
 diet. It has been seen that the
animals
Use synonyms
 did not get proper space and environment to grow and in place of
good
Correct article usage
a good
show examples
diet
Add a comma
diet,
show examples
 they are eating drugs.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, following
strict
Add an article
a strict
show examples
 vegetarian meal can
be
Verb problem
make it
show examples
 difficult to fulfill the proper vitamins needed
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the body. Vitamins like B12 and B3 can easily be found in meat but are very difficult to get from
vegetables
Use synonyms
.
Apart from
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
, availability is
also
Linking Words
 an issue
nation
Change preposition
in nation
show examples
 like Africa where most of the area is affected
with
Change preposition
by
show examples
 water scarcity production is very less and all
vegetables
Use synonyms
 has to be transported from different cities making it hard to afford but
animals
Use synonyms
 are
easy
Change the adjective
easily
show examples
 available. In conclusion, eating plant-based food can protect humans from several harmful diseases but the merits of eating meat
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
also
Linking Words
 considerable.
Submitted by sainimuskaan387 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Clarify the main argument in your introduction more explicitly, allowing the reader to know your stance from the beginning. This can enhance the clarity of your ideas.
coherence cohesion
To improve logical structure, consider organizing your points with relevant paragraphing to distinguish between vegetarian benefits and challenges. Also, using clear transitions can help guide the reader through your arguments.
task achievement
Include more specific examples or references to studies when discussing the health impacts of vegetarian and meat diets. This will strengthen the support for your arguments.
coherence cohesion
You have provided a well-developed introduction and conclusion that effectively set the stage and summarize your arguments.
task achievement
The essay discusses multiple perspectives on the topic, offering a balanced view that considers both benefits and challenges of a vegetarian diet.
supported main points
You introduce some good points about health and ethical considerations which align well with the essay topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: