IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

More and more citizens relying on private cars as their major means of transportation. Describe some of the problem overreliances on cars can cause, and suggest at least one possible solution.

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The increasing
number
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 of
people
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that
Correct pronoun usage
who
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 use private vehicles as their mode of
transportation
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 could lead to some
problems
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 that need to be addressed. In
this
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 essay, I will describe the
problems
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for
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of
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 relying our
transportation
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 mostly on private vehicles and what solution is viable. The first major problem
for
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of
show examples
 the increasing
number
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 of
cars
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 is the congestion it
makes
Verb problem
causes
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on
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in
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 our cities. More
cars
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means
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mean
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that
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apply
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more vehicles in our road infrastructure,
thus
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 it would lead to overcrowding the
traffic
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 more. The congestion that
happen
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happens
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 would
then
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 affect our quality of life
,
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apply
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 since most of our time
in
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apply
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commuting
spent
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is spent
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on
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in
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traffic
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 jams.
For example
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,
people
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that
Correct pronoun usage
who
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 live in
an
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a
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sub urban
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suburban
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 area will require more time to commute to anticipate the congestion in their way,
thus
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 reducing their time for another purpose. Another problem caused by
this
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 phenomenon is that since most
cars
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 still run on gasoline, the
emmision
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emission
emissions
 produced by the
traffic
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 would be high.
Additionally
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, the pollution
emits
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emitted
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 by the
traffic
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 would be much higher if the
traffic
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 is often jammed.
For instance
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, the air
quaility
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quality
 is poorer in certain cities
such
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 as Jakarta
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that
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which
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 is known as having one of the most congested
traffic
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comparing
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compared
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 to other regions that
has
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have
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 less
traffic
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. One of the most viable
option
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options
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 that could amend these
problems
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 is the development of public
transportation
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 that
covered
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covers
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 most of the sub-urban and city centre area. The existence of public
transportation
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 could give
people
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 options for their commuting activities in a much more convenient way without having to
stuck
Add a missing verb
be stuck
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 in
a
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apply
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traffic
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.
Hence
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, the
number
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 of
people
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 that use private
transportation
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 could be decreased
furthermore
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 if the public
transportation
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 is reliable for
people
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 to use. In conclusion, I believe the
problems
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 of the increasing
number
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 of
cars
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 could be corrected by the development of a good and reliable public
transportation
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 system.

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language
The essay could benefit from more varied sentence structures and vocabulary to enhance its overall impact.
task achievement
Consider providing more specific examples to better illustrate the problems and solutions discussed.
coherence
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the discussion.
task achievement
The problems and solutions are well-identified and explained, demonstrating a good understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • overreliance
  • environmental pollution
  • carbon emissions
  • air pollution
  • climate change
  • traffic congestion
  • commuters
  • urban sprawl
  • public health issues
  • obesity
  • respiratory ailments
  • resource depletion
  • fossil fuels
  • environmental degradation
What to do next:
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