IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8.5

Some people think that in order to solve traffic and transportation problems people should be encouraged to live in cities rather than in suburbs or in the countryside. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Despite the fact some individuals believe it is necessary to move to developed cities from rural areas to fight transportation challenges, I firmly disagree with
this
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 idea. In
this
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 essay, I will outline the main drawbacks of
such
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 a perception. To start with, there is no denying the fact that more citizens in a city leads to overpopulation and,
thus
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, worsens traffic congestion. Trying to deal with transportation issues, people create heavy jams, especially during rush hours.
For example
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, the streets in Hanoi are overflooded with bikes every morning when employees and students drive their own vehicles to reach their destinations. I believe that if fewer individuals had lived downtown, Hanoi would not have been that overwhelmed with private cars and motorcycles.
Moreover
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,
this
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 urbanization results in countryside abundance. Obviously, when people are not willing to participate in the social life of a suburb, all the facilities will lose their value. So, a small town will be demolished that way, including its culture and social heritage. As an illustration, I can propose the history of my hometown, namely Apsheronsk. Previously, it had been a fascinating place with breathtaking landscapes before urbanization in Russia started in the 2010s. After people had moved from my town, life there became blank, and the government authorities even closed a local hospital because of the outflow of the population. In conclusion, I find it necessary to emphasize the fact that there are no reasonable arguments for encouraging citizens to live in cities
instead
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 of rural areas.
Firstly
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, it leads to overpopulation, creating even more inconveniences.
Besides
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,
such
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 an attitude affects suburbs negatively, as their potential to thrive declines.

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Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph clearly links back to the main argument presented in the introduction to maintain strong coherence throughout the essay.
Task Achievement
Try to balance both sides of the argument slightly more, acknowledging the potential advantages of living in cities for resolving transportation issues, even if you ultimately disagree.
Task Achievement
Great use of specific examples like those of Hanoi and Apsheronsk to support your main points, which adds depth and realism to your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay structure is clear with a strong introduction, well-developed body paragraphs, and a conclusive ending that reinforces your stance.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • public transportation
  • traffic congestion
  • private vehicles
  • urban areas
  • long commutes
  • population density
  • sustainable transportation
  • efficient transportation options
  • cycling lanes
  • pedestrian pathways
  • advanced transit systems
  • overcrowding
  • transportation infrastructure
  • urban development
  • pollution
  • quality of life
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