IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In the modern world it is possible to shop, work and communicate with people via the internet and live without any face-to-face contact with others. Is this a positive or negative development?

#world #shop #work #people #internet #contact #development
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First of all ,the
Internet
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 is dominant in everything in shopping , jobs and relationships without seeing each others .in
this
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 essay will discuss the advantages and disadvantages for using
Internet
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 in daily
life
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 responsibility. In one hand , saving money for the fuel no need to use car .
also
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 ,individuals comfortability free to do anything in their own house
while
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 working at the same time
furthermore
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, wide amount of
website
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 to shop unlimited numbers of online application to spending money on
For example
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 :Zara,H&M, Forever 21 and Amazon these are application and
website
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 for online shopping .
moreover
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 ,exploring a relationship online meeting new
people
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 learning new culture and languages using applications and
website
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for example
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: Tender ,Facebook,Meet and Skype .definitely, exploring
Internet
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 have many advantages in our lives that provide us with clearly to define choices in
life
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. In the other hand , computers and phones controls a huge part of
life
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 without even knowing
additionally
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, having empty social
life
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 behind the screen feeling afraid to meet new
people
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 face -to -face
apart from
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this
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 , building connection with co-worker in work
Also
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,dealing with hackers and dangerous
website
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 that will destroy the computers or phones even so ,health issues will appear
such
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 as backache and adding to that destroying boths eyes
for example
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: In recent studies found that 75% of
people
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 using
internet
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 during one month wore glasses .
Internet
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 is dangerous world that can smash
people
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's
life
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 In conclusion, they are advantages and disadvantages of using
Internet
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 as replacements to social
life
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 .opening the
internet
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 opened alot of doors for
people
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 .just be careful
while
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 using it.
Submitted by manar2099 on

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task achievement
Your essay would benefit from a clearer introduction with a strong thesis statement that outlines the main argument you aim to make.
coherence and cohesion
Try to ensure a logical flow of ideas in each paragraph. The main points should be clearly connected to the overall argument.
task achievement
Develop your arguments more fully. Consider adding more details to support your ideas and views.
coherence and cohesion
Use transitions effectively to guide the reader through the progression of concepts and ideas.
language use
Try to decrease the number of grammatical errors and improve the sentence structure for clarity.
task achievement
You provided specific examples such as online shopping websites and social media platforms, which help illustrate your points.
task achievement
The essay addresses both the positive and negative aspects of using the internet for daily life activities.
coherence and cohesion
You included a conclusion that summarizes your points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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