IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Urban environments are becoming and healthy suggest causes and solutions

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that (the) environment in big cities is an insurmountable problem nowadays. Several factors may be associated with
this
Linking Words
 issue.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the main factor that
people
Use synonyms
 think about
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is that the air quality is deteriorating every year.
This
Linking Words
 is
due to
Linking Words
 the huge number of cars, which increases every year. The fumes
releases
Wrong verb form
released
show examples
 by
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
cars have a significant impact on the environment. They degrade the quality of oxygen and
people
Use synonyms
’s health is going bad.
Secondly
Linking Words
, the
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of green space. In big
cities
Add a comma
cities,
show examples
 there are not so many parks or forests where
people
Use synonyms
 can breathe fresh air and relax. It affects not only
people
Use synonyms
”
s
Correct your spelling
's
 health but
also
Linking Words
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their mood. They have nowhere to go for a walk, nowhere to walk their pets.
However
Linking Words
, there are several steps that governments can take to solve these problems. They can set a limit on car purchases or produce more eco-friendly cars.
This
Linking Words
 can prevent
further
Linking Words
 deterioration of the air. To solve the problem of lack of green space, the government can
promote
Verb problem
encourage
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 to create volunteer tree planting.
Linking Words
Also
Add a comma
Also,
show examples
 they can build more parks. In conclusion, it

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Coherence and Cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, make sure to clearly connect each paragraph with linking words or phrases, and ensure that each paragraph flows smoothly into the next.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay could greatly benefit from a stronger conclusion. Summarize your key points and restate your opinion to leave a lasting impression.
Task Response
For a higher task response score, consider addressing potential counterarguments or expanding on the solutions with possible challenges.
Task Response
Include specific examples to illustrate the points you've discussed, making them more tangible and relatable to the reader.
Task Response
Your essay clearly identifies causes of urban environmental issues, such as air quality and lack of green spaces.
Task Response
You've suggested practical solutions, like limiting car purchases and encouraging tree planting, which are relevant to the topic.
Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction effectively sets the stage for the ensuing discussion on urban environmental issues.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: