IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In some countries, more and more adults are continuing to live with their parents even after they have completed their education and found jobs. Do the advantages of this outweigh its disadvantages?

#countries #adults #parents #education #jobs #outweigh
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While
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 in some countries it is common for young
people
Use synonyms
 to start their independent
life
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 as soon as possible, there are several cultures in which boys and girls resume their
life
Use synonyms
 with their parents for so much later. I, personally, think
this
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 may be more
disadvantagous
Correct your spelling
disadvantageous
 than beneficial. On the positive side,
obviously
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obviously,
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 stronger ties come out of long living with parents, which
itslef
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itself
 can end up with several benefits
such
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 as better and closer support
fo
Correct your spelling
for
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 family members,
comparing
Wrong verb form
compared
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 to an independent
life
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.
In addition
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, young
people
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also
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 use the chance of inheriting
parent's
Correct pronoun usage
their parent's
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 job, which is much easier than starting one from scratch.
Furthermore
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, if there was a proper organization between family members, in some cases successful family
business
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businesses
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 would result from
this
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cooperatoin
Correct your spelling
cooperation
.
On the other hand
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,
however
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, personality development
are
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is
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 in danger when not having started
independent
Correct article usage
an independent
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life
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in
Change preposition
at
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 younger ages, regardless of
cultures
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culture
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. Psychologically, every individual needs to do their own
life
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 independently,
taking
Wrong verb form
take
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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responsibility
of
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for
show examples
 his
life
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, and
learning
Wrong verb form
learn
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lesson
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lessons
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 from their own mistakes.
This
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 way our personal growth path will mature, growing our sense of responsibility and other personal
charectristics
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characteristics
 which are not properly done
otherwise
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, living under
support
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the support
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 of family. In conclusion, it is justifiable socially or culturally for young
people
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 in some regions
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the world to be with their family in one house for a long time, and
also
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, in some exceptional
cases
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cases,
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 it might have positive outcomes.
Nonetheless
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, after reaching
adultness
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adulthood
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, young
people
Use synonyms
better
Add a missing verb
are better
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 off, in general, if they live independently sooner because nothing is more important than a strong personality.
Submitted by Saeed on

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task achievement
You have addressed the topic and provided a clear position, which is crucial for task response. However, introducing more specific examples and expanding on them would strengthen your arguments.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a logical pattern and clear paragraphs, but occasionally the ideas could flow more smoothly from one to the next. Consider using linking words and phrases to help transition between points.
coherence cohesion
Your essay presents a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the discussion.
task achievement
You offer a balanced view by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages, which contributes to task response.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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