Many people believe that music is just a form of entertainment, while others believe that music has a much larger impact on society today. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #music #form #entertainment #impact #society

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Music

Use synonyms

is believed as a medium to amuse

people

Use synonyms

, allowing them to escape from

daily

Correct pronoun usage

their daily

show examples

routine.

In contrast

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

outlook is challenged by

another views

Replace the adjective

another view

other views

show examples

claiming

music

Use synonyms

also

Linking Words

has an immense power to make social

changing

Fix the agreement mistake

changes

show examples

. Both sights,

however

Linking Words

, can be relatively understood, even though the latter has strong reasons for me. To illustrate how

music

Use synonyms

plays crucial roles

for

Change preposition

show examples

society,

this

Linking Words

essay will

Linking Words

firstly

Change the word

first

show examples

depict heavy metal to discuss

further

Linking Words

. Heavy metal refers to the

music

Use synonyms

genre that

have

Change the verb form

has

show examples

more complex instruments and stronger lyrics than popular

music

Use synonyms

which is mostly straightforward for common

people

Use synonyms

. Popular

musics

Change the wording

music

kinds of music

pieces of music

show examples

such

Linking Words

as Cold Play and One Direction may attract many

people

Use synonyms

because

Change preposition

apply

show examples

their

song

Fix the agreement mistake

songs

show examples

Correct subject-verb agreement

are

show examples

easy to listen

and

Change preposition

to and

show examples

enjoyable, especially for the youth and teenagers.

Furthermore

Linking Words

while

Linking Words

popular

music

Use synonyms

commonly just

entertaints

Correct your spelling

entertains

entertain

the crowd

Change preposition

with

show examples

their simple lyrics related to

romance

Replace the word

romantic

show examples

relationships between two persons, heavy metal has no hard feelings to address social issues like dystopia, inequality, famine, poverty, and so on. Linkin Park,

for instance

Linking Words

, is well-known as a heavy-metal group band with various rebellious songs. Chester Bennington, the vocalist of the band, once said that many lyrics he made like "In The End" song came from his concern about the future of the world. In conclusion,

music

Use synonyms

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

has actually many functions in both consoling

public

Correct article usage

the public

show examples

and being the medium of

socially

Change the adverb

social

show examples

critiques

Fix the agreement mistake

critique

show examples

. Yet, from my perspective,

music

Use synonyms

with its immense power to influence

Use synonyms

people

Change noun form

people's

show examples

feelings

as well as

Linking Words

human mindsets should be able to use for challenging

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

corrupt rulers, and eventually

shifting

Wrong verb form

shift

show examples

society to get

better

Add an article

a better

show examples

life and

well being

Add a hyphen

well-being

show examples

Submitted by anwarkur20 on Sun Dec 29 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement

Expand on the initial viewpoint that music serves mainly as entertainment with more examples or explanations to provide balance in the discussion.

coherence cohesion

Improve transitions between sentences and ideas, particularly in the paragraph discussing heavy metal, to ensure a smoother flow of ideas.

supported main points

The essay provides a clear contrast between popular music and heavy metal, using specific examples like Coldplay, One Direction, and Linkin Park to illustrate the points made.

introduction conclusion present

The conclusion is strong and ties back to the main argument, emphasizing the potential role of music in social critique and change.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
23
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

264 words

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Many people believe that music is just a form of entertainment, while others believe that music has a much larger impact on society today. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Your opinion

with the advancement of knowledge and research in organic chemistry, people now are able to create different flavours and food additives that never existed before. what are benefits and drawbacks of such development?

Some people think that marketing helps promote products to the public. Others claim that well-trained, competent staff are the key to success. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Are higher taxes or lower taxes better for society? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

some people find it beneficial to send young children to nursery school before they go to primary school. while others think that it is good to keep them with their family. discuss both views and give your opinion.