Some parents think that childcare centers provide the best services for children of preschool age. Other working parents think that family members such as grandparents are better caregivers for their young children. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Taking
care
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of
children
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either by
childecare
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childcare
child-care
child care
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centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
or their
grandparents
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has become a vital topic of debate.
While
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some people believe that childcare
Use synonyms
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
provide much better services, others would argue that
grandparents
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might take
care
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of their grandchildren better.
Although
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both sides of the argument highlight valuable points, which will be discussed followed by my own perspective. First of all, childcare
Use synonyms
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
frequuently
Correct your spelling
frequently
offer various benefits
such
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as convenience for
parents
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, particularly working
parents
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.
Therefore
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, these
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centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
not only bring convenience for
parents
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but
also
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can educate
children
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in an accurate way, preparing them for
elemantery
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elementary
schools.
For instance
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, some
kindergarten
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kindergartens
show examples
in my country, Iran, teach
children
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English
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the English
show examples
language, leading to
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the developed
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developed
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development
show examples
their
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of their
show examples
skills effectively.
As a result
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, these
children
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can be
risen
Verb problem
raised
show examples
by an effective method, helping them
increasing
Change the form of the verb
increase
show examples
their self-esteem.
Moreover
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, preschool
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centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
inherently encourage
children
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to socialize with their peers, playing together.
Thus
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, these
children
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as young adults are more likely to be
prodactivity
Correct your spelling
productivity
and extrovert.
On the other hand
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, some people believe that
grandparents
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might be more responsible towards their grandchild, leading to making a safe environment for them, so their
parents
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can go to their workplaces relaxed.
Additionally
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,
grandparents
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dedicate
ecountless
Correct your spelling
countless
time to their grandchild, contributing to
improve
Wrong verb form
improving
show examples
and
nature
Correct your spelling
mature
show examples
their abilities and skills. The more time they devote to their grandchildren, the more skills, their grandchildren will be achieved. A prime illustration of
this
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is a little girl who spends
incredibely
Correct your spelling
incredibly
much time with her
grandparents
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, teaching her
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initially
Change the word
initial
show examples
education,
as a result
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, she will learn how to write and read from
very
Add an article
a very
show examples
young age. In conclusion, there are various opinions about taking
care
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of
children
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.
While
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some individuals believe that preschool
Use synonyms
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
can take
care
Use synonyms
of their
children
Use synonyms
in a convenient way, others would argue that their
granparents
Correct your spelling
grandparents
are the best to take
care
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of their
children
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.I strongly advocate for
first
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the first
show examples
view and believe that preschool
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centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
can bring up
children
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with standard
value
Fix the agreement mistake
values
show examples
, helping them to be more
sociolize
Correct your spelling
socialize
socialized
and
prodactivity
Correct your spelling
productivity
.
Submitted by mahanz on

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coherence cohesion
To improve, make sure each paragraph has a central idea that is clearly linked to the overall topic. This will aid in logical flow and understanding.
task achievement
Develop your main points with more substantial and relevant examples to increase the level of detail and support in your argumentation.
general
Work on improving grammatical accuracy and range to enhance the clarity of your expression.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction that outlines both views and presents the writer’s opinion.
task achievement
There is a good attempt to balance the discussion by examining both perspectives.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the key points and restates your opinion clearly.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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