IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

These days, more and more people move away from the area where they were born and brought up when they become adults. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#people #move #area #adults #development
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Most adults these days move from places where they were born and
tranfers
Correct your spelling
transfers
transfer
 to
other
Change the wording
another place
other places
show examples
place
Use synonyms
. They may have some good reason
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
 doing so. In my opinion, moving to
other
Correct quantifier usage
another
show examples
 city develops various advantages in regards to their personal growth. People move to different
town
Fix the agreement mistake
towns
show examples
specially
Replace the word
especially
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 if they are from remote areas gives them the
opportunites
Correct your spelling
opportunity
opportunities
 to improve their livelihood. They move to places where they want to find
reasonable
Add an article
a reasonable
show examples
 workplace to work. Some people
moves
Change the verb form
move
show examples
 to
there
Correct your spelling
their
show examples
 dream country where they want to pursue all their visions. In my experience, moving to
other
Correct quantifier usage
another
show examples
 country gave me
chance
Correct article usage
a chance
show examples
 to give my son a good life. I had
encounter
Change the verb form
encountered
show examples
 different
culture
Fix the agreement mistake
cultures
show examples
 and diverse
environment
Fix the agreement mistake
environments
show examples
. If I will stay
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the same
place
Use synonyms
 I was before I will not achieve what I
had
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 right now.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, going to a
place
Use synonyms
 which is far from where we
were makes
Change the verb form
were made
show examples
 us
also
Linking Words
 miss the people we left
behide
Correct your spelling
behind
. In my case, I only get the chance to see my family every few years. I have missed already many special occasions for the
last
Linking Words
 10 years. In conclusion, moving to
different
Correct article usage
a different
show examples
place
Use synonyms
grant
Correct subject-verb agreement
grants
show examples
 us a many opportunity. But we still need to look back where we came from.
Submitted by yum_1229 on

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coherence cohesion
Enhance your use of linking words and phrases to improve the flow of your essay, ensuring each paragraph connects logically to the next.
task achievement
Provide more relevant examples or develop the existing ones to strengthen your arguments and make the response more comprehensive.
coherence cohesion
The introduction clearly presents the topic and states the writer's opinion on the advantages and disadvantages of moving to another place.
task achievement
The essay includes personal experiences to support the main points, which adds a personal touch and relevance to the arguments.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • metropolitan
  • migration
  • globalization
  • socio-economic factors
  • traditional norms
  • cosmopolitan environment
  • brain drain
  • assimilation
  • gentrification
  • alienation
  • multiculturalism
  • infrastructure strain
What to do next:
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