IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Write a 250-word essay on the following topic (vocabulary is on the page 8): It is important for people to take risks, in both their professional lives and personal lives. Do the advantages of taking these risks outweigh the disadvantages?

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In today's society,
risk
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 is the one of widely discussed phenomena, and it is considered to be essential for individuals in their careers and personal matters. In my opinion,
risks
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 can be very beneficial or have serious negative consequences depending on their nature and
certainity
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certainty
certain
 level. In terms of disadvantages, some
risks
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 may cause loss when they are not well-calculated.
Firstly
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, when people make important financial decisions without doing necessary research, there is a high chance of failure.
For example
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, nowadays, the stock market is
very
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a very
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 popular way of investing in many countries. When a person puts all of his savings in one company's shares without having any relevant information about it or taking
an
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
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precautions
such
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 as
risk
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 diversification, he or she may lose all the invested money very soon.
Same
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The same
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 applies to their personal life. Many adults take very serious steps in their romantic relationships without knowing their partner very well or making sure it is actually what they want.
Therefore
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, these are very radical decisions and their whole life can be impacted, not always in a good way.
On the other hand
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, when
risks
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 are well-evaluated they may have
long- term
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long-term
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 career and personal benefits for people. Advancement in professional life can not be achieved with no
risks
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 taken. Sometimes, no matter how much employees work for the same company, they can get promoted. They have to be willing to leave their safe zone and ready for new journeys to accomplish their job-related goals.
Hence
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, right and on-time
risks
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 are usually followed by success.
Moreover
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, some personal aspirations and dreams can not come true without
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risk
Correct article usage
the risk
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 of making mistakes.Some
risks
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 may lead to life-changing career and personal development opportunities.
For instance
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, a student is willing to
risk
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 his current job and education
,
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apply
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 and takes a scholarship offer abroad. He ends up getting hired by an international company in a new country, travelling and exploring new places, and many other merits.
To conclude
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,
risks
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 can be very
advantagous
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advantageous
 or may result in pure negative events. It is not good to
make
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take
show examples
risks
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 in uncertainty.
However
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, they should not always be
avoied
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avoided
 and,
in
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on
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contrary
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the contrary
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, be exploited sometimes.

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Coherence and Cohesion
Try to ensure that the essay maintains a balanced distribution of support between the points made. Some points are more heavily supported than others.
General Language Use
There are a few language inaccuracies, like 'step' instead of 'steps' and 'on-time.' While they do not heavily impact understanding, be attentive to these when proofreading.
Task Achievement
In discussing disadvantages, avoid assuming knowledge about the readers (e.g., stock market). Explain it briefly for greater clarity.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, supporting paragraphs, and a conclusion.
Task Achievement
The examples provided, such as those related to financial risks and romantic relationships, are relevant and well integrated into the essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
The conclusion effectively paraphrases and summarises the key points discussed, reinforcing the essay's central argument.
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