IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that robots will replace many jobs, others think that technology will create new job opportunities. Discuss the both views and give your own opinion

#people #robots #jobs #technology #job #opportunities
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These days some
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
individuals think that artificial
intelliegence
Correct your spelling
intelligence
 will allocate so
much
Change the quantifier
many
show examples
jobs
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 other people think that an improvement
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
technology
Use synonyms
 will create employment
opportunities
Use synonyms
. I
agnist
Verb problem
agree with
show examples
 the idea
of
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apply
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the
Correct determiner usage
that
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 robots will take many
Use synonyms
job
Change to a plural noun
jobs
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insted
Correct your spelling
instead
 of humans because these devices need technical supervision by
Add an article
a human
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human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
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. In my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
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 the
technology
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 will allow more new
jobs
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. On the one hand, some people argue that
Correct article usage
the used
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used
Change the form of the verb
use
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 of information
technology
Use synonyms
 will decrease many
jobs
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. IT today play
piovital
Correct article usage
a piovital
show examples
 role in many facilities and health care
system
Fix the agreement mistake
systems
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such
Linking Words
 as computer recording
system
Fix the agreement mistake
systems
show examples
 in hospitals, automatic dispensing
machine
Fix the agreement mistake
machines
show examples
 in
pharmacy
Fix the agreement mistake
pharmacies
show examples
 and
Correct article usage
the used
show examples
used
Change the form of the verb
use
show examples
 of artificial
intelliegence
Correct your spelling
intelligence
 in research projects,
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 can lead to
Correct article usage
a reduce
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reduce
Wrong verb form
reduced
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 need for
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
Linking Words
this
Capitalize word
This
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 results
to
Change preposition
in to
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 decline
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
 number of
jobs
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 allowed for people.
For example
Linking Words
, in 2010, a study conducted at King
Abdluaziz
Correct your spelling
Abdulaziz
 University in Jeddah among the impact of
technology
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 on
job
Use synonyms
opportunities
Use synonyms
 the result showed only
6
Correct article usage
a 6
show examples
% decrease in
health care
Correct your spelling
healthcare
show examples
job
Use synonyms
opportunities
Use synonyms
 which is not
statistical
Change the word
statistically
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singnificant
Correct your spelling
significant
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, other individuals believe the usage of
technology
Use synonyms
 will benefit effect for the new
jobs
Use synonyms
. The
used
Replace the word
use
show examples
 of robots today can create many
Use synonyms
jobs
Change the noun form
job
show examples
opportunities
Use synonyms
 because these devices need
monotring
Correct your spelling
monitoring
mentoring
 around the hours
in addition
Linking Words
 to technical support and management.
For instance
Linking Words
, there was a
survy
Correct your spelling
survey
 at Makkah newspaper about the effect of
technology
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 in
enhance
Change the verb form
enhancing
show examples
 employment
opportunities
Use synonyms
 the result
shown
Add the auxiliary verb
showed
has shown
show examples
 that
increased
Replace the word
increase
show examples
 in employment
application
Fix the agreement mistake
applications
show examples
 by 33%. In conclusion, today the implementation of
technology
Use synonyms
 can lead to reduce some types of
job
Use synonyms
opportunity
Fix the agreement mistake
opportunities
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
, the
established
Replace the word
establishment
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 of information
technology
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that
Correct your spelling
has
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develop
Wrong verb form
developed
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 many
job
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opportunities
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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worldwide. My perspective totally
agree
Correct subject-verb agreement
agrees
show examples
 the
consume
Replace the word
consumption
show examples
 of
technology
Use synonyms
 will create more
jobs
Use synonyms
 in future.
Submitted by khalidhxhd on

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introduction conclusion present
Make sure to mention both perspectives clearly from the beginning and how they relate to your opinion in the introduction.
logical structure
Organize the paragraphs better, ensuring each idea flows logically to the next.
supported main points
Provide more detailed examples to support each viewpoint.
complete response
The essay acknowledges both views and provides an opinion, which is essential for task achievement.
relevant specific examples
There is an attempt to use data and examples to support arguments, which strengthens the response.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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