IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

some people think that robots replace job opprtunities, other prople think used of technology create new jobs. discuss both of view and give your opinion

#people #robots #job #opprtunities #prople #technology #jobs
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These days some individuals think that artificial intelligence will allocate so many
jobs
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,
while
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 other people think that an improvement in
technology
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 will create employment
opportunities
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. I
against
Add a missing verb
am against
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 the idea that robots will take many
jobs
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instead
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 of humans because these devices need technical supervision by humans. In my opinion, the
technology
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 will allow more new
jobs
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. On the one hand, some people argue that the use of information
technology
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 will decrease many
jobs
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. IT
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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today
play
Correct subject-verb agreement
plays
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 a pivotal role in many facilities and health care systems
such
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 as computer recording systems in hospitals, automatic dispensing machines in pharmacies and the use of artificial intelligence in research projects, which can lead to reduced need for humans.
This
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 results in to decline in the number of
jobs
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 allowed for people.
For example
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, in 2010, a study conducted at King Abdulaziz University in Jeddah on the impact of
technology
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 on
job
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opportunities
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 the result showed
onlya
Correct your spelling
only a
only
 6% decrease in healthcare
job
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opportunities
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 which is not statistically significant.
On the other hand
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, other individuals believe the usage of
technology
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 will benefit effect for the new
jobs
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. The use of robots today can create many
job
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opportunities
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 because these devices need monitoring around the hours
in addition
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 to technical support and management.
For instance
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, there was a survey
at
Change preposition
in
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 Makkah newspaper about the effect of
technology
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 in enhancing employment
opportunities
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 the result
has shown
Wrong verb form
showed
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that
Correct determiner usage
an
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 increase in employment applications by 33%. In conclusion, today the implementation of
technology
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 can lead to reduce some types of
job
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opportunities
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.
However
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, the establishment of information
technology
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 has developed many
job
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opportunities
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 worldwide. My perspective totally agrees the consumption of
technology
Use synonyms
 will create more
jobs
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 in future.
Submitted by khalidhxhd on

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task achievement
Ensure clarity in your thesis statement. The idea presented is that you oppose the notion that technology reduces job opportunities, but it could be phrased more clearly.
coherence cohesion
Improve connections between ideas. Some transitions between sentences and paragraphs could be smoother to enhance the logical progression of your argument.
task achievement
Expand on examples slightly more to ensure they clearly support the points being made and are fully integrated into your argument.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction clearly presents both sides of the argument regarding technology and job opportunities, setting up the discussion effectively.
relevant specific examples
Includes specific examples, such as studies and surveys, which help to support the discussion and provide real-world context.
introduction conclusion present
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and clearly states your position on the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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