IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

Explore the problem of excessive screen time among teenagers. Propose practical solutions to promote a healthier balance between online and offline activities.

Long and unhealthy screen
time
Use synonyms
 is one of the most popular
problem
Change to a plural noun
problems
show examples
 among teenagers. With social media
that becomes
Wrong verb form
becoming
show examples
 more and more popular, I believe that more than half of teenagers suffer because of
this
Linking Words
 problem A lot of pupils and students have grades worse than before,
some
Correct word choice
and some
show examples
 of them feel depressed and even stop talking with their parents and friends.
This
Linking Words
all
Add a missing verb
is all
show examples
coused
Correct your spelling
caused
 by abnormal screen
time
Use synonyms
. I
experiensed
Correct your spelling
experienced
 it all
on
Change preposition
by
show examples
 myself. I felt miserable, didn’t want to do anything and even
tougt
Correct your spelling
thought
 that I might be depressed.
Luckly
Correct your spelling
Luckily
Lucky
 for me, I have
Correct article usage
a carrying
show examples
carrying
Verb problem
caring
show examples
mother
Add an article
a mother
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 and she helped me
trought
Correct your spelling
through
 that times. I didn’t
stopped
Change the verb form
stop
show examples
 using my phone completely. There is always a
heathy
Correct your spelling
healthy
show examples
 balance in everything. If you have 7 or more hours of
screentime
Correct your spelling
screen time
show examples
 that's about a third of your
life
Correct your spelling
lifetime
show examples
time
Use synonyms
! So my advice is to get more hobbies
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 your free
time
Use synonyms
.
Ang
Add an article
The ang
show examples
hobby
Fix the agreement mistake
hobbies
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 would be good, but my
favorites
Change the spelling
favourites
show examples
 are: martial arts, drawing, chess,
any
Correct word choice
and any
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 active game like football or basketball.
Linking Words
This hobbies
Change the determiner
This hobby
These hobbies
show examples
 will help you with
redusing
Correct your spelling
reducing
 your screen
time
Use synonyms
 and even help with your mental stability, I hope
this
Linking Words
 advice will help you.

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coherence cohesion
Clarify the main points you wish to address in the introduction and ensure you stick to them throughout the essay to improve coherence.
task achievement
Provide specific examples or evidence to strengthen your argument about the negative effects of excessive screen time.
task achievement
The essay effectively identifies the widespread issue of excessive screen time among teenagers.
coherence cohesion
You’ve shared a personal experience which makes your essay more relatable and engaging.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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