IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think sports in schools is a waste of time and resources, while other believe it is a vital part of education. Discuss both the view and give your opinion.

#people #sports #schools #waste #time #resources #part #education
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A downright variance of view has been observed among the masses regarding adding physical
activities
Use synonyms
 in educational institutes.A social segment of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society contends that adding physical
activities
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 to the
centre
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 of learning has numerous benefits,opponents, meanwhile,adhere to the notion that making use of exercises in
school
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the school
show examples
 syllabus is useless.The ensuing paragraphs will proffer an insight into both doctrines and explain why it is crucial to add sports
in
Change preposition
to
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 schooling. Not endorsed by everyone,yet approved by some individuals that
relying
Wrong verb form
rely
show examples
 on competitive games in
Use synonyms
centre
Add an article
the centre
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 of learning are
time consuming
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time-consuming
show examples
,as students
does
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do
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 not have enough time to focus on other
activities
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.
For instance
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,
according to
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the
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apply
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BBC News,some students leave their studies
due to
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Correct article usage
the infuence
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infuence
Correct your spelling
influence
 of other
activities
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.
Additionally
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,adults
needs
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need
show examples
Fix the infinitive
to
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focus
for
Change preposition
on
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 their studies,but they lack their
centre
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 of attention,
due to
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Correct article usage
the
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infucence
Correct your spelling
influence
 other leisure
activities
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. Disjunctive to
this
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,the idea of using competitive games in
academics
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academic
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 lessons
act
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acts
show examples
 as a more beneficial tool which is attested by myriads of people.The fundamental element associated with
this
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 mechanism is the
the
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apply
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advantage of mental and physical health improvement,as we know ,in
this
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 era many
peoples
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people
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 are facing health issues.
According to
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 the University of London,50 per cent of youngsters are struggling with mental problems
such
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 as depression,anxiety and high blood
pressue
Correct your spelling
pressure
.
On the other hand
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,competitive games
also
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 develop skills like teamwork,pressure handling and focus building which
hepls
Correct your spelling
helps
 them in their practical lives.
Morever
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Moreover
,they act as refresment
tool
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tools
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 for adults,who
does
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do
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 not have
approach
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an approach
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 to other
activities
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.
To conclude
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,both
the
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apply
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arguments carry their own reasoning,logic and pragmatism.Albeit,adding physical
activities
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 in
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centre
Add an article
the centre
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 of learning seems advantageous in the long run
due to
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 its weighty,indispensable and fringe benefits.
Submitted by notkhan01 on

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coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, work on transitioning more smoothly between arguments and examples. Ensure each paragraph flows naturally into the next.
task achievement
For task achievement, try to include more diverse and detailed examples to support your points and emphasize your argument more clearly.
task achievement
The essay provides a complete response to the task, covering both views and presenting a clear opinion.
coherence cohesion
There is a clear introduction and conclusion, making the essay well-organized.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • holistic educational environment
  • physical health
  • participation in sports
  • teamwork
  • leadership
  • discipline
  • personal development
  • academic performance
  • concentration
  • stress reduction
  • career success
  • resource allocation
  • injury risk
  • academic achievement
  • university preparation
  • motivational engagement
  • non-athletic students
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