IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people think that men and ươmen have different qualities, therefore certain jobs are suitable for men and others for women. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Today, there is a belief that some specific occupations are preferable for different genders
due to
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 males and females are not the same based on their qualities.
This
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 essay agrees that gender quality differentiation is one of the reasons that some people should
work
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 in specific job positions.
Also
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, physical conditions
as well as
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 various abilities to cope with other individuals are the main reasons for
this
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 situation. These days some activities demand great physical condition because of the heavy workload they have. Since most
men
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 are built with bigger and stronger muscles, they will be more suitable for heavy-duty jobs in which their bodies need to be fit enough to do tasks daily.
However
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, women's body conditions are weaker than
men
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's, so, they are not good enough to
work
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 in these environments.
For instance
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, the construction of lattice towers in transmission lines needs a person with a masculine body shape that can transport steel plates to a height of 65 meters from the ground.
Furthermore
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, some job positions are required to communicate with different individuals who have different attitudes toward different things. Most females, in comparison to
men
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, are more comfortable and have better confidence in themselves. So, in situations where the level of stress is high, they can perform in an appropriate way.
As a result
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, female employees can have a better performance in a workplace where it has different clients.
For example
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, in 2020 in one of the biggest malls in Iran, more than 90% of the customer services were women because they can communicate with clients better than
men
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. In conclusion,
this
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 essay argues that since some people not only have differences in their genders but
also
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 because of their physical conditions especially
men
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 that can
work
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 better in high tension
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work places
Correct your spelling
workplaces
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 and the ability to handle people with different perspectives needs a huge effort, especially in a place with intense situations.

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task achievement
Your essay does a good job in addressing the prompt, but it could benefit from a clearer stance. While you argue in favor of job suitability based on physical and psychological differences between genders, a more nuanced view acknowledging the potential for exceptions might make your argument even stronger.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that your introductory statement flows naturally into the main body of your essay. This will make your argument more coherent and easier to follow.
task achievement
Try to provide a balanced view by touching upon counterarguments. This will show depth in your understanding of the topic and improve your task response score.
task achievement
Your essay includes specific and relevant examples to back up your points, such as the construction industry example and the customer service example in Iran.
coherence cohesion
The structure of your essay is clear, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This helps in guiding the reader through your argument.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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