Some peopel believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programmes ( for example working for a charity, umproving the neighbourhood or teaching sports to younger childern. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#peopel #community #service #part #school #programmes #charity #neighbourhood #sports #childern

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Charity work as part of high school sessions has become a widely debate issue in recent years.

Accordingly

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, some

people

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believe that schools should provide

those kind

Change the determiner

that kind

those kinds

show examples

of lessons for the students. in his essay, I will demonstrate

this

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point of view and mention how much I agree with

this

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opinion.

To begin

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with, some individuals argue that young

people

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should be more involved in free

community

Use synonyms

service.

This

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demonstrates that youngsters will start to take part in society,

consequently

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, they will learn new skills each day which will make them more mature.

For example

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people

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who used to help elderly

people

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are more understanding and kinder.

Additionally

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, other

people

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believe that those services add value

Change preposition

show examples

our life.

This

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suggests that many

people

Use synonyms

become more proud of their children when they start doing

community

Use synonyms

service. The reason for

this

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is that unpaid services provide great manners for young

people

Use synonyms

For instance

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people

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who participate in planting trees for the

community

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are usually mindful.

To sum up

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, some human beings find that it is always better to let our children do more free help for the

community

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by making unpaid

community

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service a part of their school sessions. In my opinion, I totally agree as

this

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will not only help the world to become a better place but

also

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will provide our children with essential manners.

Submitted by shereenmagdy1993g on Mon Dec 30 2024

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coherence

To improve coherence and cohesion, consider adding clearer transitions between paragraphs and ideas. This will help the reader follow the progression of your arguments more smoothly.

task

Ensure each point is fully developed with either more detailed explanations or additional examples to strengthen your essay.

cohesion

Try to avoid repetition and rephrase similar ideas using different words or sentence structures to enhance clarity and engagement.

task

Your essay presents a clear position regarding the topic, showing agreement with incorporating community service in school programs.

structure

You have an effective introduction and conclusion that frame your response well, outlining your main points clearly.

examples

The examples you provided, such as helping elderly people and planting trees, are relevant and support the main points you make about community service.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

226 words

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Some peopel believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programmes ( for example working for a charity, umproving the neighbourhood or teaching sports to younger childern. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

The cost of international travel is decreasing, and so the trend of international tourism is increasing in many countries. What are the advantages and disadvantages of the rising trend of tourism for countries?

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The typical teaching situation of a teacher and students in the class will not exist by the year 2050 To what extent do you agree or disagree? (Not mine)

Some parents and teachers think that children's behaviour should be strongly monitored whereas others think that children should be allowed to behave as they want . Discuss both views and give your opinion.