IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Government investment in the arts, such as music and theatre, is a waste of money. Governments must invest this money in public services instead. Do you agree or disagree?

#government #investment #arts #music #theatre #waste #money #governments #services
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Most governments
seeking
Wrong verb form
seek
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 for opportunities
of
Change preposition
apply
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investment
Use synonyms
, and some of them tend to invest their
money
Use synonyms
 in
arts
Use synonyms
,
such
Linking Words
 as music and theatre rather than investing their
money
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 in public
services
Use synonyms
. It is necessary that the
invesment
Correct your spelling
investment
 should be sustainable for the nation rather than investing for a short period that won’t
last
Linking Words
 forever.
And investing
Correct word choice
Investing
show examples
 in
arts
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 is
type
Add an article
a type
the type
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 of short period of
investment
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 profiting a stuck of
money
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 for once,
while
Linking Words
 investing in public
services
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 will
last
Linking Words
 for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
future generations. Investing in
arts
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 can be profitable for the
government
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, gaining
money
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 from theatre or music festivals.
Although
Linking Words
 the profits may be massive for the
government
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,
Linking Words
however
Add the comma(s)
however,
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these
Correct determiner usage
this
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 sort of
investment
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 is a
one time
Add a hyphen
one-time
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investment
Use synonyms
 and is unsustainable for the community,
whereas
Linking Words
 not all society’s classes like to attend or
able
Add a missing verb
are able
show examples
 to go to these
arts
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, and that may cause a decline in the profits of investing in
arts
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.
By contrast
Linking Words
, when the
government
Use synonyms
investing
Wrong verb form
invests
show examples
 in public
services
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such
Linking Words
 as trains or buses, that will be sustainable for the country and for the folks that utilize these
services
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.
And the
Correct word choice
The
show examples
 gaining will be helpful for the
government
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 not merely for the
investment
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 but
also
Linking Words
 for creating job opportunities for the people who live in the country and these
services
Use synonyms
 will
last
Linking Words
 to next generations.
Eventually
Add a comma
Eventually,
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 the governments should invest in something that
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 to be not only beneficial for the
government
Use synonyms
 but
also
Linking Words
 for the people who live in the country.
Submitted by mohnnad.als on

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coherence cohesion
Enhance the logical structure by using clearer paragraph transitions and connections between ideas. This will improve the reading flow and make your arguments more compelling and easy to follow.
task achievement
Include more specific examples to illustrate your points about both the arts and public services. This will strengthen your argument and provide a more concrete foundation for your claims.
coherence cohesion
The essay presents a clear introduction and conclusion, framing the argument effectively from start to finish.
task achievement
The argument is mostly clear, and it effectively addresses the main issue of government investment priorities.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • cultural enrichment
  • expression of creativity
  • promote diversity
  • enhance social cohesion
  • boost tourism
  • job creation
  • stimulate economic growth
  • improve quality of life
  • essential services
  • maintenance and development
What to do next:
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