IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Schools concentrate far too much on traditional subjects which do not adequately prepare students for the realistic demands of the modern working world. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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A
commen
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common
comment
 belief is that
Correct article usage
the school
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school
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school's
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 main responsibility is training
students
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professional
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in professional
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 skills for their
future
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work
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life
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,
therefore
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 their lessons should be updated with the
requires
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requirements
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 of advanced
work
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. I strongly agree with
this
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 concept because training
students
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according to
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 advanced
job
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 needs
wull
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will
 reduce
the
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apply
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society
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society's
show examples
job
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lost
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loss
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 and
students
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 more likely
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to success
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success
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succeed
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 in their
future
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work
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life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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. The major justification for my view that
schools
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 should teach
students
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 skills for demands of their
future
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work
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life
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 is that they essay to find a
job
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dur
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due
 to they
recieved
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received
 professional training in the school.
As
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With
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 the high employment of society, there will be
far
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a far
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 less criminal rate. The
major
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majority of
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 prisoners
is
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are
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who
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those who
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 don't have stable
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job
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jobs
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 in their
life
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 because lack of professional skills to find a
job
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,
due to
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 the
schools
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 only
teach
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teaching
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 them basic traditional
lesson
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lessons
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 which do not have benefits for their
future
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Use synonyms
job
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jobs
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life
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. Moving onto another point that supports my contention which is that
schools
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 should change their lesson to meet
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students
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students'
student's
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future
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jobs
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job
show examples
 needs
is that
Verb problem
,
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 it can lead to better opportunities. If someone
already
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is already
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 trained to be professional in
job
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fiels
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files
fields
field
, which they can finish their
job
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 with high qualities, company leaders and peers will have
more
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a more
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favorable
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favourable
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 impression
on
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of
show examples
 them, leading to more potential promotion.
Additionally
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, professional workers have a
more
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greater
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 chance to have higher salaries to provide
their
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for their
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 families. In conclusion,
i
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I
show examples
 reiterate my complete agreement that
schools
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 should teach
students
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subject
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subjects
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 which
based
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are based
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 on
advanced
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the advanced
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job
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requires
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requirements
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 because it
reduce
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reduces
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job
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lost
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losses
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 and improve
society
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society's
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 stabilities and they will earn more money.
Therefore
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,
i
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I
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 recommend
students
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 accept knowledge which
reach
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reaches
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 modern
work
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 needs.

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task achievement
Provide specific examples to support your points. This will make your argument more convincing and relatable.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph develops a single clear idea with supporting sentences. This will improve the clarity of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Revise grammar and spelling mistakes to improve sentence clarity and professionalism.
task achievement
Your introduction clearly presents your stance on the topic, which sets a good foundation for the essay.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes your main argument, reinforcing your opinion for the reader.
task achievement
You raise relevant points about the relationship between education and job preparedness which are key to the essay topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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