IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

It is beneficial for both employers and employees if employees are given longer holidays away from work. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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Some people think that long
vacations
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 have many advantages whether for workers or organizations.
This
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 essay disagrees with
this
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 statement because extended holidays can lead to reduced employee
productivity
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 and can
also
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 cause high stress on business owners. Having long
vacations
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 for
employees
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 might cause distraction and an inability to improve their careers. In the world of
work
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, distraction is a serious issue for many workers which means their
productivity
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 is not good enough and
this
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 prevents them from improving and developing in their jobs, on the basis they will not be professional in their
work
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 and even take advantage
such
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 as promotion, allowance, and bonuses.
For example
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, nowadays people can take only two weeks off and when they back to
work
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 they feel unable to focus on
work
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 and they need time to regain their
productivity
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.
Hence
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, long
vacations
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 reduce the chance of professional development and employee
productivity
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 in the workplace. Extended holidays have a negative impact on organizations which puts them under high pressure, which can be extremely difficult to gain money and pay salaries for
employees
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. Increasing the vacation days means only a few
employees
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 are working and many
work
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 tasks have not been done so
this
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 causes several difficulties for companies to fail and they could not give
employees
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 their salaries.
For instance
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, during the pandemic, many business organizations closed down because there were no
employees
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 working which made it impossible to gain or profit money in order to pay salaries. The more holiday days for workers, the larger the percentage of the company’s failure. In conclusion,
although
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 having long
vacations
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 for both
employees
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 and employers has some benefits.
However
Linking Words
, I believe that
this
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 has a negative effect on professional improvement which leads to reduce a person’s
productivity
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 and
also
Linking Words
 can cause failure and loss in business companies.

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coherence cohesion
Provide clearer transitions between ideas to enhance coherence. For instance, using linking words like 'furthermore', 'moreover', and 'on the other hand' can aid the flow of the essay.
task achievement
Ensure that each point is well developed and provides specific examples or evidence to strengthen your argument, especially in the discussion about employee productivity and company pressures.
task achievement
Consider addressing counterarguments to show a comprehensive understanding of the topic and strengthen the task achievement score.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, outlining the main points of the argument effectively.
task achievement
The essay demonstrates a reasonable attempt to address the task with relevant points about productivity and business stress.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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