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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The table shows the proportions of pupils attending four secondary school types between 2000 and 2009. Write a summary of the information. Select and report the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The table shows the proportions of pupils attending four secondary school types between 2000 and 2009. Write a summary of the information. Select and report the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#proportions #pupils #four #school #summary #information #report #features #comparisons
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The table graph illustrates the percentages of
students
Use synonyms
 attending four secondary types of
schools
Use synonyms
 in 2000, 2005 and 2009.
Overall
Linking Words
, the of
students
Use synonyms
 presenting in Specialist
schools
Use synonyms
 declined slightly,
also
Linking Words
 the proportion of pupils going to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Grammar
schools
Use synonyms
 decreased gradually,
Additionaly
Correct your spelling
and
 the amount of
students
Use synonyms
 attending
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
voluntary-controlled
schools
Use synonyms
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 reduced significantly.
In contrast
Linking Words
, there was
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 obvious development in the number of
students
Use synonyms
 in the Community
schools
Use synonyms
. In Specialist
schools
Use synonyms
, the
amount
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of
students
Use synonyms
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
presenting during the duration
decline
Wrong verb form
declined
show examples
 slightly from 12% to 10% in 2000 and 2009 respectively.
Moreover
Linking Words
, in 2000 the number of pupils attending
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Grammar
schools
Use synonyms
 was 24%
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
2000 which is a gradual decrease to 12% in 2009.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, in Voluntary- controlled
schools
Use synonyms
 the amount of student attendance reduced dramatically from 52% in 2000 to 20% in 2009.
On the other hand
Linking Words
 notably, in Community
Use synonyms
schools
Add a comma
schools,
show examples
 the percentage of pupils increased sharply in 2000 by 12%, in 2005 by 32% and in 2009 by 58%.
Submitted by khalidhxhd on

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Vocabulary: Replace the words students, schools with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "declined" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reduced" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "gradually" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.
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