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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The pie chart below shows where energy consumption is used in a typical Australian household, and the table source the amount of electricity used according to the number of occupants. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main feature and make comparison very relevant

The pie chart below shows where energy consumption is used in a typical Australian household, and the table source the amount of electricity used according to the number of occupants. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main feature and make comparison very relevant
#energy #consumption #australian #household #source #amount #electricity #occupants #summarise #information #feature #comparison
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The data in
pie
Correct article usage
the pie
show examples
 chart demonstrates the amount of
energy
Use synonyms
 used in Australian
household
Fix the agreement mistake
households
show examples
 and the table illustrates the consumption of
electricity
Use synonyms
 as per the job holders.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is apparent that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 most of the
energy
Use synonyms
 is used for heating and cooling followed by water heating.
On the other hand
Linking Words
 least is used in power stand.
Additionally
Linking Words
, with the increase in
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of people
there
Correct your spelling
their
show examples
electricity
Use synonyms
 consumption increases.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, for heating and cooling
Australian
Correct your spelling
Australia
show examples
 use around 38% of total
energy
Use synonyms
 which is the highest as compared to
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
. Another most consumed
energy
Use synonyms
 is
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
water heating which is 1/4th of
total
Correct article usage
the total
show examples
 percentage.
In addition
Linking Words
 to
this
Linking Words
, other appliances
comes
Change the verb form
come
show examples
 in 3rd in terms of most used
energy
Use synonyms
 source.
Equal
Add an article
An equal
show examples
 percentage of
energy
Use synonyms
 is pain on lighting and phrases
Linking Words
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 is 7%.
Additionally
Linking Words
, cooking is
second
Correct article usage
the second
show examples
 lowest consumes stand by power is the lowest
energy
Use synonyms
 consume
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
just 3%
Furthermore
Linking Words
, one person
spend
Change the verb form
spends
show examples
 around 5000 to 6000 kilowatt hours of
electricity
Use synonyms
 per
years
Fix the agreement mistake
year
show examples
.
Linking Words
Moreover
Add a comma
Moreover,
show examples
 a house
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 2 to 3
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
use
Wrong verb form
using
show examples
 around 6000 to 10000 of
electricity
Use synonyms
 and
finally
Linking Words
 6 or more
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
show examples
 spend around 12 to
16000 kilowatt
Add a hyphen
16000-kilowatt
show examples
 hours of
electricity
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
each year.
Submitted by anjubashyal39 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "additionally".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words energy, electricity with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "stand" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 4 times.
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