The growing number of overweight is putting a strain on the health care system in an effort to deal with health issues involved. Some people think that the best way to deal with this problem is to introduce more physical education lessons in school curriculum. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#strain #health #care #system #effort #people #education #lessons #school #curriculum

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contemporary

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the contemporary

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era,weight gain and obesity are one of the main issues facing governments.It is argued that the solution to

this

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challenge lies in increasing the number of physical education classes in school.

While

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I understand the appeal of

this

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idea,I believe that the method of nutrition needs to be reformed. On the one hand,I agree that adequate study about physical

health

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can be useful and help people become aware of their body's sensitivity.

For instance

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,most people lack sufficient knowledge about the essential nutrients vital for healthy muscles and bones.Teaching students about

necessity

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the necessity

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organic

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of organic

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matters

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matter

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for

body

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the body

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can significantly improve the physical

health

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of future

generation

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generations

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Nevertheles

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Nevertheless

,I believe that other considerations are just as important as

introduce

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introducing

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more physical education lessons.

Firstly

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,familiarity with different types of

foods

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,both industrial and natural,is crucial.As we know,

indusrtrial

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industrial

and processed

foods

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can have detrimental

health

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impacts.Excessive consumption of these substances can lead to serious

health

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issues

such

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as obesity,high blood pressure,and diabetes,which place an enormous burden on the healthcare system.

Secondly

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,a fundamental step is to modify dietary habits.We should reduce our consumption of ready-made and fast food,as they play a significant role in causing current

health

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problems.

Moreover

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,it is imperative to enlighten children and students about the potential hazards associated with excessive consumption of

such

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foods

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. In conclusion,I believe that modifying our dietary habits and

rising

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raising

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public and student awareness of the risks associated with certain

foods

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can positively impact our

health

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Submitted by sadramajidi on Tue Dec 31 2024

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task achievement

To improve task response, aim to include more comprehensive examples that clarify how increased physical education and nutrition education can equally address obesity. Provide specific instances or case studies if possible.

task achievement

Work on expanding your arguments with more concrete points and examples. Ensure each paragraph conveys a clear idea that ties back to the main argument.

coherence cohesion

For coherence and cohesion, enhance the logical flow between ideas by using a wider range of linking words and transitional phrases.

coherence cohesion

The essay is well-structured with a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the argument.

task achievement

The argument recognizes multiple perspectives, addressing both the role of physical education and the importance of nutrition, which adds depth to the task response.

task achievement

The essay acknowledges the complexity of obesity, identifying different contributing factors and potential solutions.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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7
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

232 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

obesity
health care system
physical education (PE)
curriculum
lifelong exercise habits
healthy lifestyle
mental health
academic performance
comprehensive approach
nutrition education
parental involvement
budget constraints
resources
well-being
strain

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Most high-level positions in companies are filled by men even though the workforce in many developed countries is more than 50 per cent female. Companies should be required to allocate a certain percentage of these positions to women. To what extent do you agree?

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Some people are of the view that only university education can ensure success, whereas many others oppose this view. Discuss both views and give your opinion.