Some people think that in modern society individuals are becoming more dependent on each other, while others say that individuals are becoming more independent of each other. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
One of the heated debates is about human relationships in today's society, with some
people
Use synonyms
believe
it has become more individualistic, Wrong verb form
believing
while
Linking Words
others
argue the opposite. Use synonyms
This
essay will discuss both points of view and give my own perspective.
On one hand, the reason modern society does not rely on Linking Words
others
Use synonyms
Linking Words
due
to technological advancements. Add a missing verb
is due
This
enables Linking Words
people
to carry out various activities without the hassle of asking other Use synonyms
people
for help. Use synonyms
For example
, individuals may no longer need to ask for directions when travelling to a new place, as online maps provide all the necessary routes for users. Linking Words
As a result
, they become more independent and are Linking Words
be
able to overcome problems by themselves.
Unnecessary verb
apply
On the other hand
, some Linking Words
people
believe thatUse synonyms
,
rather than becoming independent, citizens are growing more dependent on each other Remove the comma
apply
due to
an increasing trend of Linking Words
priotizing
social validation. The existence of social media can foster a sense of dependence on Correct your spelling
prioritising
others
' approval. Use synonyms
For example
, individuals often share their activities or Linking Words
achievement
on Instagram, seeking validation through likes, comments, and Fix the agreement mistake
achievements
an
increasing follower counts. Correct article usage
apply
Consequently
, Linking Words
this
can lead to social comparison and a lifestyle focus on Linking Words
people
's judgement, which indirectly means they need other Use synonyms
people
.
In conclusion, in my opinion, Use synonyms
although
some Linking Words
people
argue that modern communities either tend to rely on each other or the opposite, I believe Use synonyms
this
Linking Words
habbit
Correct your spelling
habit
are
Change the verb form
is
involving
at the same level, and its function has shifted. In the past, Wrong verb form
involved
people
Use synonyms
need
each other for physical Wrong verb form
needed
assitance
with tasks they could not manage alone. Correct your spelling
assistance
However
, today, individuals can accomplish many things independently. Linking Words
Instead
, reliance on Linking Words
others
has towards mental, Use synonyms
such
as maintaining interactions between sellers and buyers.Linking Words
Submitted by nineband9s on
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grammar
Be mindful of small grammatical errors, such as "some people believe it has become more individualistic" should be "some people believe that society has become more individualistic."
clarity
Try to strengthen your argument by clearly linking back to the main question in the conclusion, reiterating how your opinion aligns with the ideas discussed.
structure
The essay presents a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively setting up and wrapping up the discussion of the topic.
content
Both sides of the argument are covered well, with relevant examples like technological advancements and social media validation being used to illustrate points.
cohesion
There is a logical flow of ideas, making it easy for the reader to follow the writer's line of thought.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.
‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.
Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.