Multicultural societies, where people of different groups live together, bring more benefits than drawbacks to a country. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Different civilization and backgrounds where nations live together , has advantages outweigh disadvantages , in my opinion, I agree multi-culture can bring a lot of benefits,
however
, there are some drawbacks for society and individuals.
Without Linking Words
doubt
, having Correct article usage
a doubt
people
from different countries can affect positively both society and individuals, one of the benefits is mutual respectUse synonyms
,
because when some group of Remove the comma
apply
people
come up with their thoughts and values to share Use synonyms
them
with Indigenous Correct pronoun usage
apply
people
and vice versa , it will raise the awareness for both side and aid understanding each other without any misconceptions . With regard to individuals , it can build a good relationship with other Use synonyms
people
which in turn leads to opening up many opportunities in terms of , businesses and jobs .
Use synonyms
On the other hand
, being in a country with Linking Words
a different
Correct the article-noun agreement
different cultures
a different culture
cultures
can cause some issues , mixing different Use synonyms
cultures
and traditions leads to Use synonyms
cultures
mixing them together , which damages the image that generation tries to maintain Use synonyms
it
to pass it to the next generations , Correct pronoun usage
apply
moreover
, it can make the Indigenous Linking Words
people
more bise to their country and show that to another Use synonyms
people
in all aspects Use synonyms
such
as seeking the priority for their kids to go to school and jobs as well ,which makes Linking Words
people
feel frustrated and they are in the wrong place .
In conclusion , Use synonyms
people
living in the same country with different Use synonyms
cultures
have downsides and upsides at the same time , I believe it Use synonyms
lead
to many benefits Change the verb form
leads
as well as
drawbacks that have to be considered so a balance between the two is essential to avoid any problems in future .Linking Words
Submitted by rwnalanezi on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
Your essay effectively addresses the topic and presents a clear argument. However, to enhance task achievement, try expanding on examples that clearly illustrate the benefits and drawbacks of multicultural societies. Specific examples can strengthen your argument and demonstrate your understanding of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Consider improving the coherence and cohesion by ensuring each paragraph transitions smoothly into the next. More clearly defined topic sentences will help guide the reader through your essay's argument logically.
introduction and conclusion
Your introduction and conclusion provide a clear framework for your argument, outlining the benefits and drawbacks of multicultural societies.
supported point
The discussion about mutual respect and understanding among different cultures is well-articulated and highlights one of the core advantages of a multicultural society.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.