Many criminals commit further crimes as soon as they released from prison. What do you think are the causes of this? What possible solutions can you suggest?

#criminals #crimes #prison

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Some criminals

remained

Wrong verb form

remain

show examples

causing trouble amidst society, even though they have gone through punishment and discipline in

jail

Use synonyms

This

Linking Words

is because prisoners have different motivations regarding the crime they carried out.

This

Linking Words

essay will examine the causes

further

Linking Words

as well as

Linking Words

look forward to alternative ways to finish it.

Firstly

Linking Words

, I will draw the story of terrorists who sparked their acts on religious values. In

prison

Use synonyms

, a suspected terrorist puts themselves

Change preposition

show examples

the top of the hierarchy in

jail

Use synonyms

For example

Linking Words

, Indonesian terrorist

Aman

Use synonyms

Abdurrahman gained enormous respect from his fellow prisoners during his

jail

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periods. People in

jail

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supposed

Verb problem

saw

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Aman

Use synonyms

not only as a person who bravely attempted his conviction but

also

Linking Words

advanced in religious matters. By doing so, many people in the

prison

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learned religious teachings from him.

Furthermore

Linking Words

Aman

Use synonyms

actually

Add a missing verb

is actually

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still engaged with his prior network outside the

prison

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. A terrorist attack on Thamrin, Jakarta a few years ago was reportedly connected to

Aman

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as a mastermind. Regarding

the

Correct article usage

apply

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terrorist cases, it is hard actually to figure out solutions

ensuring

Change the verb form

to ensure

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they do not commit again for their previous crime.

However

Linking Words

, governments play a crucial role

to solve

Change preposition

in solving

show examples

it.

For instance

Linking Words

, educating people in schools or even in jails with moderate outlooks may be useful for preventing the dissemination of terrorist ideology. In conclusion, convicts who still commit their crimes after being released from

prison

Use synonyms

may be driven by various urges, one of which is stimulated by religious affairs. To face the issue, I would like to recommend that non-government organizations

as well as

Linking Words

citizens must work together to spread critical thinking in order to reduce extremist views in public areas.

Submitted by alaika on Thu Jan 02 2025

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coherence cohesion

While the essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion, the main body paragraphs could be more logically connected with clearer transitions. Make sure each idea flows smoothly to the next.

task achievement

The essay addresses the task prompt, but it could benefit from more detailed exploration of the causes and solutions. Consider expanding on each point to fully develop your answer.

task achievement

Ensure that each paragraph supports the main points with clear ideas and examples, and avoid assuming that the reader knows the background story. Provide necessary context to strengthen your argument.

introduction conclusion

The essay opened and concluded well, concisely encapsulating the main arguments.

relevant specific examples

The example of Aman Abdurrahman is a strong, relevant example that effectively illustrates the point regarding motivations behind further crimes.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

273 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

Rehabilitation
Reintegrate
Social stigma
Recidivism
Criminal records
Ex-offender
Associations
Comprehensive
Workforce
Mentoring
Incentivize
Stigmatize
Subsidies
Legitimate

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Many criminals commit further crimes as soon as they released from prison. What do you think are the causes of this? What possible solutions can you suggest?

Your opinion

In today's world many people own a smartphone. Do you think the advantages of owning a smartphone outweigh the disadvantages?

Some employers involve employees in the decision-making process of products and services. What are the advantages and disadvantages?

Some people think that good health is very important to every person, so medical services should not be run by profit-making companies. Do the advantages of private health care outweigh the disadvantages?

Million of dollars are spent on space research every year. Some people argue that the money should be spent on improving living standards on Earth. Do you agree or disagree?