IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

some countries have legal ages at which people can drink. Other countries belive not having strict laws is a better policy. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

#countries #ages #people #drink #belive #laws #policy
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Varieties
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of nation
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nation
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nations
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strict
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are strict
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the
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about the
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 limited ages
of
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for
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 drinking
while
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 some countries think the
age
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 restriction will make underage people violating and difficult to control. In my
views
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view
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, it will have
negative
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a negative
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affect
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effect
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 than when
limit
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limiting
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Use synonyms
age
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the age
show examples
 of drinking. Nowadays,
the
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a
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plethoraof
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plethora of
plethora
 countries have an
age
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 restriction
of
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for
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alcohol
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 consequence, their
assess
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assessment
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about
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of
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 the side effect when
juvinile
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juvenile
drink
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an
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apply
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alcohol
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 which can't
haddle
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handle
 the effects of intoxication as adults and
rate
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the rate
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 of fight broke out
due to
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 the child's lack of awareness will
more
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apply
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, which could lead to a serious crime.
In addition
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, young adults
didn't
Wrong verb form
don't
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 have there are no harsh laws for
children
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 who commit
worst
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the worst
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 crimes and most of the problems of teenagers come from
lack
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a lack
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 of awareness.
Therefore
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, if the body receives more
alcohol
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 than it
ca't
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can't
 handle, it will have many negative effects and if grave crimes occur, the
children
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 cannot be punished fairly for the victims.
Therefore
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, the best solution for
this
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 matter is to limit the
age
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 of
children
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.
On the other hand
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, some countries have
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a perpective
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perpective
Correct your spelling
perspective
about
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on
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this
Linking Words
 topic as their not limit the
age
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 of
chrildren
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children
 to
drink
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an
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apply
show examples
alcohol
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 in fact,
this
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 is the biggest valnerbility for young adults who want
try
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to try
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 to
drink
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 so
their
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they
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 will pay for police or
peoples
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people
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 who can sale it for them
in particular
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 the pub and bar. Subsequence,
is
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it
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 can not control
chrildren
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children
 and it is a reminder of the weakness of the law.
Although
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,
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the goverment
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goverment
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government
 knows the side effect
such
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 as
:
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apply
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crime
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the crime
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 rate in
juvinile
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juvenile
 or physical health
problem
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problems
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 after
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drink
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drinking
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 much
alcohol
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 since
their
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there
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 was young
however
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, it
the
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is the
show examples
responbilities
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responsibilities
 of families to
asscess
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access
assess
 and approve
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whether chrildren
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chrildren
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children
 can
drink
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 or not if their start to
drink
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 with family it would be safe
than
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then
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.
To sum up
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,
age
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 limitation make teenagers want to try and it
lead
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leads
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 to cheating by collecting money from
children
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 who want to try to break the rules,
however
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,
their
Correct pronoun usage
they
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 know the side effect but is the way they
chose
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choose
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 so it
the
Add a missing verb
is the
show examples
family
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family's
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 duty to concern and approve
this
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 trouble.
Submitted by np.napatping on

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Coherence
Try to structure your ideas clearly at the paragraph level. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea that is expanded upon with logical reasoning and examples.
Introduction and Conclusion
Ensure a clear introduction that outlines the key points you will discuss, and a conclusion that summarizes your main arguments.
Task Response
Develop your ideas more comprehensively. Try providing specific examples or scenarios to support your points, as this can strengthen your arguments.
Task Response
You addressed both sides of the argument as requested by the prompt, which indicates a good understanding of the task.
Introduction and Conclusion
You've attempted to provide a conclusion which summarizes your perspective, demonstrating an understanding of essay structure.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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