IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2

The proportion of income adults and children spent on 4 common items in UK in 1998.

#proportion #income #adults #children #items #uk
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The table includes information about the ratio of income adults and children
disburse
Wrong verb form
disbursed
show examples
 on 4 general
items
Use synonyms
 in the United Kingdom in 1998.
Overall
Linking Words
, food and
music
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 are the
items
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, on which, the most
money
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spent
Add a missing verb
is spent
show examples
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
music
Use synonyms
,
Change preposition
in totally
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totally
Change the word
total
show examples
, had the
least
Correct word choice
lowest
show examples
 percentage.
While
Linking Words
 food is the leader between men, adults and women, respectively 14%, 25% and 39%,
music
Use synonyms
 is the item, the most
money
Use synonyms
 spent, between children, boys and girls. It was recorded that, videos weren't needed as much as
music
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,
therefore
Linking Words
 they are the least
money
Use synonyms
 spent
items
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. Adults spent the same amount of
money
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 on electronic equipment and
music
Use synonyms
,
however
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 condition wasn't seen in any other category
and
Correct word choice
or
show examples
 item. As women are the people, who
spent
Wrong verb form
spend
show examples
 the least
money
Use synonyms
 on electronic equipment, children are the highest spenders on these
items
Use synonyms
.
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task achievement
The essay provides a general overview of the data, but could benefit from more specific details to strengthen the task response.
coherence and cohesion
There is some repetition, especially regarding the items of expenditure. Try varying sentence structures and word choices.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that all comparisons and contrasts are clear and well-structured to support understanding.
task achievement
The essay introduces the main focus clearly by highlighting the general trend of expenditure in 1998 in the UK.
coherence and cohesion
Some data comparisons are made, which helps illustrate the points being discussed.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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