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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below shows the percentage of people of different age groups who went to cinema once a month or more in one European country from 2000 to 2011

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The presented line graph represents the percentage of individuals of different ages watching films in cinemas between 2000 and 2011 in one European nation. In general, it is conspicuous that the
cinemas'
Correct quantifier usage
number of cinemas'
show examples
 consumers increased in all categories. Turning to the top two audiences, the people aged 15-24 were the highest number of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
cinema ticket buyers, starting at just above 10% and reaching a peak
more
Change preposition
of more
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 than
a
Correct article usage
apply
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half.
Likewise
Linking Words
, there is a gradual increase in the second category having 15-24 years old in ten years,
however
Linking Words
, it declined
in
Change the preposition
at
show examples
 the end of the period at 20%. The rest of
categories
Correct article usage
the categories
show examples
presents
Change the verb form
present
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 the total proportion of movie theatre visitors
having
Verb problem
apply
show examples
age
Wrong verb form
aged
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 25-35 years old
jumped
Correct pronoun usage
who jumped
show examples
 in the time
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
frame and hit the highest level in 2011.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the statistics reported that the
cinema
Correct quantifier usage
number of cinema
show examples
audiencers
Correct your spelling
audiences
audience
 aged over 35 who visited it once a month or more rose gradually from a small fraction to 10% .

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "presented" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "gradual" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cinema-going
  • Attendance
  • Frequency
  • Demographics
  • Trends
  • Percentage
  • Fluctuations
  • Technological advancements
  • Streaming services
  • Leisure activity
  • Data analysis
  • Decrease/increase
  • Age groups: Teenagers, Young adults, Middle-aged, Seniors
  • Periodic comparison
  • Socioeconomic factors
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