IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In many places of the world, more larger supermarkets are built while smaller local shops are closing down. Are there more advantages or disadvantages to local people?

It is true that
hypermarkets
Use synonyms
 were been substituted with tiny local
stores
Use synonyms
.
Although
Linking Words
, shifting from groceries to department
supermarkets
Use synonyms
 poses basic drawbacks,
but
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
I think shopping from huge
supermarkets
Use synonyms
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 extra benefits
due to
Linking Words
 its
products
Change the noun form
product
show examples
 diversity, efficiency and accessibility. Admittedly, building
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
big
supermarkets
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 closing down the local
shops
Use synonyms
associated
Add a missing verb
is associated
show examples
 with certain
challenging
Replace the word
challenges
show examples
. The first issue is that it treats
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
local marketing and
this
Linking Words
 is not suitable for local
businessman
Fix the agreement mistake
businessmen
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
, elderly sellers who
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 been
worked
Wrong verb form
working
show examples
 for years in their small markets which
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 close to their
home
Fix the agreement mistake
homes
show examples
, now have to close their
shops
Use synonyms
, as the nearby hypermarket is popular. Another problem is that
accommodation
Replace the word
accommodating
show examples
 people to that larger supermarket for shopping
disturb
Correct subject-verb agreement
disturbs
show examples
 the quietness of local residents.
Additionally
Linking Words
, the traffic and limited car parks can be another problematic condition for locals.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, despite
above
Correct article usage
the above
show examples
 disadvantages, in my view, building
hypermarkets
Use synonyms
instead
Linking Words
 of small
shops
Use synonyms
, has
further
Linking Words
 advantages.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 kind of big
Use synonyms
shops
Fix the agreement mistake
shop
show examples
included
Wrong verb form
includes
show examples
 varied goods as their wide-ranging
costumers
Correct your spelling
customers
show examples
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, these types of
hypermarkets
Use synonyms
 often compete with other chain
stores
Use synonyms
, which results in selling diverse things, ranging from food and kitchen
material
Fix the agreement mistake
materials
show examples
 to clothing and flowers.
Secondly
Linking Words
, larger markets need to employ more
staffs
Fix the agreement mistake
staff
show examples
,
consequently
Linking Words
increase
Wrong verb form
increasing
show examples
 the rate of
employments
Fix the agreement mistake
employment
show examples
.
Lastly
Linking Words
, in normal,
supermarkets
Use synonyms
 are kind of chain
stores
Use synonyms
 that are available everywhere, which
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
 them accessible even for non-local people. These
shops
Use synonyms
 usually are built alongside the avenue,
in contrast
Linking Words
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 local
stores
Use synonyms
 which
usually
Add a missing verb
are usually
show examples
 located in alleys. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 locating
hypermarkets
Use synonyms
instead
Linking Words
 of smaller local
shops
Use synonyms
 has minor disutility, I think its positive aspects outweigh its negatives.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that your ideas are clearly presented and logically organized. Some points in the essay are not clearly connected or are somewhat repetitive. Work on creating smooth and logical transitions between your points.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your arguments. This will strengthen your position and make your points more convincing.
language use
Review some grammatical inaccuracies and awkward phrasing, such as "hypermarkets were been substituted," to improve clarity and comprehension.
structure
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, helping to frame the discussion effectively.
task response
You have addressed both advantages and disadvantages, showing an understanding of the topic's complexity.
content
There is a good attempt to explain why large supermarkets can be beneficial, including employment opportunities and product diversity.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • economies of scale
  • one-stop shopping
  • artisanal products
  • community impact
  • personalized service
  • economy boost
  • unique local products
  • price competition
  • local businesses
  • consumer benefits
What to do next:
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