In many places of the world, more larger supermarkets are built while smaller local shops are closing down. Are there more advantages or disadvantages to local people?
It is true that
hypermarkets
were been substituted with tiny local Use synonyms
stores
. Use synonyms
Although
, shifting from groceries to department Linking Words
supermarkets
poses basic drawbacks, Use synonyms
but
I think shopping from huge Correct word choice
apply
supermarkets
Use synonyms
have
extra benefits Correct subject-verb agreement
has
due to
its Linking Words
products
diversity, efficiency and accessibility.
Admittedly, building Change the noun form
product
the
big Correct article usage
apply
supermarkets
Use synonyms
while
closing down the local Linking Words
shops
Use synonyms
associated
with certain Add a missing verb
is associated
challenging
. The first issue is that it treats Replace the word
challenges
the
local marketing and Correct article usage
apply
this
is not suitable for local Linking Words
businessman
. Fix the agreement mistake
businessmen
For example
, elderly sellers who Linking Words
has
been Change the verb form
have
worked
for years in their small markets which Wrong verb form
working
is
close to their Correct subject-verb agreement
are
home
, now have to close their Fix the agreement mistake
homes
shops
, as the nearby hypermarket is popular. Another problem is that Use synonyms
accommodation
people to that larger supermarket for shopping Replace the word
accommodating
disturb
the quietness of local residents. Correct subject-verb agreement
disturbs
Additionally
, the traffic and limited car parks can be another problematic condition for locals.
Linking Words
Nevertheless
, despite Linking Words
above
disadvantages, in my view, building Correct article usage
the above
hypermarkets
Use synonyms
instead
of small Linking Words
shops
, has Use synonyms
further
advantages. Linking Words
Firstly
, Linking Words
this
kind of big Linking Words
Use synonyms
shops
Fix the agreement mistake
shop
included
varied goods as their wide-ranging Wrong verb form
includes
costumers
. Correct your spelling
customers
Moreover
, these types of Linking Words
hypermarkets
often compete with other chain Use synonyms
stores
, which results in selling diverse things, ranging from food and kitchen Use synonyms
material
to clothing and flowers. Fix the agreement mistake
materials
Secondly
, larger markets need to employ more Linking Words
staffs
, Fix the agreement mistake
staff
consequently
Linking Words
increase
the rate of Wrong verb form
increasing
employments
. Fix the agreement mistake
employment
Lastly
, in normal, Linking Words
supermarkets
are kind of chain Use synonyms
stores
that are available everywhere, which Use synonyms
make
them accessible even for non-local people. These Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
shops
usually are built alongside the avenue, Use synonyms
in contrast
Linking Words
of
local Change preposition
to
stores
which Use synonyms
usually
located in alleys.
In conclusion, Add a missing verb
are usually
while
locating Linking Words
hypermarkets
Use synonyms
instead
of smaller local Linking Words
shops
has minor disutility, I think its positive aspects outweigh its negatives.Use synonyms
Submitted by skharratian on
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coherence cohesion
Ensure that your ideas are clearly presented and logically organized. Some points in the essay are not clearly connected or are somewhat repetitive. Work on creating smooth and logical transitions between your points.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your arguments. This will strengthen your position and make your points more convincing.
language use
Review some grammatical inaccuracies and awkward phrasing, such as "hypermarkets were been substituted," to improve clarity and comprehension.
structure
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, helping to frame the discussion effectively.
task response
You have addressed both advantages and disadvantages, showing an understanding of the topic's complexity.
content
There is a good attempt to explain why large supermarkets can be beneficial, including employment opportunities and product diversity.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example