IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

People who decide on a career path early in their lives and keep to it are more likely to have a satisfying working life than those who change jobs frequently.To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from own knowledge or experience.

#people #career #path #lives #life #change #jobs
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There are two kinds of people based on how they
chose
Wrong verb form
choose
show examples
 their career path,
rather
Correct your spelling
whether
show examples
 to keep it for a long time in one path or who like to change it often in many paths. It seems
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people that
keep
Correct pronoun usage
who keep
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 it for just one path in
his
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
life
Use synonyms
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
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 better working
life
Use synonyms
, but I honestly can not say that it is completely true. I think it depends on what sector of job the people are in, some
maybe
Correct your spelling
may
show examples
 have
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 satisfying working
life
Use synonyms
 some
maybe
Correct your spelling
may
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 not. I have many friends who just finished their bachelor's degree two years ago and
were
Wrong verb form
are
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 still doing the same job
until
Change preposition
apply
show examples
today. It is true that some of them already has been promoted and
get
Verb problem
have
show examples
 their salary increased. But they are all in the same sector which is in accounting who
work
Use synonyms
 mostly in the office. But if you are working outside the office like in the kitchen
for example
Linking Words
, I think it will
drained
Change the verb form
drain
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 plenty of your energy in a long time especially if you do not get any promotion at all. My brother is working as a chef which is always in the kitchen, I have seen him
changed
Wrong verb form
change
show examples
 his jobs frequently in different places and he seems more satisfied because the more you change your job, the higher the salary you will get and you will
also
Linking Words
 feel different environment that makes your
work
Use synonyms
 more exciting. In summary, the level of how
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
satisfying working
life
Use synonyms
 depends on the place where the workers
work
Use synonyms
. I think they will be more satisfied to
work
Use synonyms
 longer in comfortable
place
Fix the agreement mistake
places
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 like in the office where it has comfy
chair
Fix the agreement mistake
chairs
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,
wide
Correct article usage
a wide
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 desk, and air conditioning.
While
Linking Words
 the outside workplace like in
kitchen
Correct article usage
the kitchen
show examples
 forces you to stand up all day and
work
Use synonyms
 in
hot
Add an article
the hot
a hot
show examples
 environment near the fire.
Submitted by josepharie31 on

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task achievement
Ensure to develop each main point with equal depth. The lack of detailed examples for the stability path (e.g., benefits of continuous growth, skill deepening) can limit the essay's persuasiveness.
coherence and cohesion
Improve paragraph transitions to enhance the flow. While the structure is generally clear, a more varied use of cohesive devices could improve readability.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear discussion of both career approaches with relevant examples. The writer has intelligently related real-life examples to illustrate the contrasting nature of both career choices.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction and conclusion frame the argument well, showing a balanced discussion of the topic at hand.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • career path
  • job satisfaction
  • professional goals
  • climb the career ladder
  • develop expertise
  • long-term commitment
  • financial security
  • varied experiences
  • prevent monotony
  • job security
  • career progression
  • personal preferences
  • industry dynamics
What to do next:
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