IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that children should start school at a very early age, but others believe that they should not go to school until they are older. Discuss both these views anf give your opinion

#people #children #school #age #anf
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Some people believe that
children
Use synonyms
 should start
school
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 at an early
age
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,
however
Linking Words
, others believe that
children
Use synonyms
 should start schooling when they are older.
While
Linking Words
 an early start of
school
Use synonyms
 helps
children
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 to start their studies early, I personally believe that
children
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 should start
school
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 when they get older because it allows them to enjoy their
childhood
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. If
children
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 start
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
school
Use synonyms
 at
their
Change the word
a
show examples
 very young
age
Use synonyms
, they can start their studies early.
Therefore
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, they get
comparatively
Add an article
a comparatively
show examples
 larger amount of
time
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 to complete their studies than those who start
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
school
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 late. Within
this
Linking Words
 huge amount of
time
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,
children
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 get enough
time
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 to gain knowledge, learn, reflect and grow.
For example
Linking Words
, in Japan,
children
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 start going to
school
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 when they are three and
half
Correct article usage
a half
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 years old.
This
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 trend allows
children
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 to have a significant amount of
time
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 to study.
However
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, I personally believe that if
children
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 go to
school
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 early, they cannot enjoy their
childhood
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 properly. If
children
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 start
school
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 when they are older, they get enough
time
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 to enjoy their
childhood
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.
Childhood
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 is a crucial period of human life, and
children
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 start learning through playing and observing their surroundings at
this
Linking Words
age
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. If they start going to
school
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 at
this
Linking Words
age
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, they cannot learn through playing, which affects their basic learning.
For instance
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, in
Bangaldesh
Correct your spelling
Bangladesh
,
children
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 start going to
school
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 when they are 6. They spend their early
age
Use synonyms
 playing independently and with their mates and parents.
This
Linking Words
allow
Change the verb form
allows
show examples
 them to enjoy their
childhood
Use synonyms
 and learn through playing.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I personally believe that
children
Use synonyms
 should be allowed to play at their
their
Change the word
a
show examples
 young
age
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instead
Linking Words
 of going to
school
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. In conclusion, I personally believe that
Linking Words
while
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
starting
school
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 early helps
children
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 to have a longer student life,
children
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 should start
school
Use synonyms
 when they get older because they
get
Verb problem
have
show examples
 a long study period.
Submitted by rahman_rehana on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph contains a clear topic sentence to guide the reader. This would improve the coherence and make the essay more structured.
task achievement
Although the main points are clear, try to explore more perspectives or counterarguments to provide a more comprehensive response to the task.
coherence cohesion
Use a wider variety of linking words or phrases to enhance the flow between ideas and paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in framing the main argument.
task achievement
There are relevant examples provided, such as comparisons between Japan and Bangladesh, to support the main points.
task achievement
The essay addresses both viewpoints on whether children should start school early or later, demonstrating an understanding of the task requirements.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • cognitive development
  • social interactions
  • educational foundation
  • structured learning
  • emotional and psychological readiness
  • effective learning
  • cost-effective
  • childcare centers
  • explore their interests
  • creativity
  • love of learning
  • parental burden
  • economic considerations
  • childhood freedom
  • natural learning
What to do next:
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